Points in Case

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Staff Picks from Your Local Bookstore from Employees Who Definitely Don’t Hate Each Other

The First Drafts of the Phrase “Trick or Treat”

- Chocolate, candy, I don’t care, just don’t give me Witch’s Hair! - Tell 'em Frankenstein sent ya. - I love you.

I Am Your Oncologist, and I Will Be Delivering Your Stage-4 Diagnosis Through a Vintage Moog Vocoder

It’s got that classic, warm, articulate vocal clarity that is necessary in this situation.

Sponsored Noir

Her hair was brown, like a cool crisp Coca-Cola®. Her eyes were also brown, not unlike the refreshing Coca-Cola® mentioned earlier.

My Midterm Election Night Fever Dream, Wherein Steve Kornacki Is Out Cold and I Am Put in Charge of...

We have a projection. I repeat, we have a projection. Democrats will win the Pennsylvania county that looks like a little boot.

Forthcoming Think Pieces About the “Girls” Revival

We Re-Re-Re-Re-Re-Revisit That

How Doomed Are You, Romantically Speaking?

In any case, here you are, back in touch again. To your credit, he texted first. He also seems … different.

This New Fall Menu Proves My Ex-Girlfriend Was Wrong About Me

Because I’m ready for fall, and because I’m definitely not a “loser with zero ambition,” here are some awesome new fall specials created by yours truly.

I Can’t Believe It’s Already the Time of Year It Is Now

The only thing we know for sure is that exactly 12 times a year, we lean back in our chairs and say, “Wow. Hard to believe it’ll be month soon.”

You’re So Brave for Having Short Hair

You just blindly stumbling through life not afraid to have hair that short and also not even knowing you should be afraid!

Your Football Team Needs More Comedy-Magic

With eerie accuracy, using nothing but my powerful intuition, I can guess your star players’ first names, last names, and hair colors.

The Universe Updated to Version 9.0.4 Overnight and Mondays Are Still a Known Issue

Fixed an issue where users woke at 3:14 A.M. to review everything embarrassing they said in 2009. Users now wake at 3:15 A.M.

AITA Entries from Stephen King Villains

Pennywise: AITA for wanting to provide fun and whimsy for local children?

11 Essential Rules for My Treehouse Sleepover

If you're reading this, you are one of the select few that have been invited to Troy's Treehouse Triumph next Saturday, July 24, 1994.

What Do You Think of My Accent Wall and the Fact That I Can’t Stop Talking About It?

I only wanted a little flare of color. Just a pop. And what if I painted four walls and didn’t like how it turned out?

Due to High Demand, the Tooth Fairy Has Moved to Dynamic Pricing

Due to unprecedented demand from the first grade, Tooth Fairy visits are now released through a timed on-sale, with prices that move in real time.

It’s Me, Your Dentist, and Your Enamel Will Be Gone by the End of This Sentence

And what exactly am I cleaning in that horrid graveyard that is your mouth?

Skeleton Actors Guild (SAG) Grievances Regarding Your Front Lawn Halloween Production

Throwing Santa hats on our skulls and candy-cane striped scarves around our cervical vertebrae is an affront to our classical Stanislavski training.