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Scott Simpson

@scottsimpson

also here maybe: @scottsimpson@mastodon.social — or actually @scottsimpson on threads is where I am going? Who cares.

 Burlingame Volunteer Living
cttcomedy.com
Joined March 2007
  • Tweets7.6K
  • Following445
  • Followers17.7K
477Media
Photo by Scott Simpson (@scottsimpson)Photo by Scott Simpson (@scottsimpson)Photo by Scott Simpson (@scottsimpson)Photo by Scott Simpson (@scottsimpson)Photo by Scott Simpson (@scottsimpson)Photo by Scott Simpson (@scottsimpson)Photo by Scott Simpson (@scottsimpson)
It was a fun 11 days
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Can’t get this song out of my head youtu.be/Haf0t47IjZc
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Bad time for you if your bank looks like a house
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Greek Orthodox Punk Celebrates Record Store Day Thirteen Days Later l8r.it/XViO
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“Buckle up”
Rajat Suresh (@rajat_suresh) profile pictureRajat Suresh@rajat_suresh11 Mar 2023
Honored to talk about my performance on Severance here 🙏
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Doctor: Sorry, I'm not able to see your medical history because of HIPAA, you say you have some discomfort? Pharmacist: OK YOU'RE GONNA APPLY THIS CREAM TO YOUR TESTICLES OR WHEREVER IN THE GENITAL REGION THE FUNGUS CROPS UP, HI MRS PETERSON I'LL BE RIGHT WITH YOU, ANYWAY…
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Me: I’ll bet they don’t have Wife Type 322.6B, the wife who’s a bit of an ins… wow
Image from Scott Simpson (@scottsimpson)
Image from Scott Simpson (@scottsimpson)
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My kids' school: Stay home if you're feeling sick! My kids' school, the next day: YOUR SON HAS MISSED 3 DAYS THIS YEAR WHAT IS GOING ON AT HOME
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You get on the band’s 727 and there’s a seat open next to each of them: Lyndsey with his shirt unbuttoned to his pubes, Mick picking his ear, John quietly weeping, Stevie feeding a live raven, and Christine. You’d sit next to Christine every time
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When you’re a hip judge looking for a fresh way to sentence someone to death by hanging
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Tough week Sam Bankman-Fried but TIA for giving us 10 great hours of Hulu in 2024
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Scott Simpson retweeted
Pete Ballmer (@peteballmer) profile picture
Pete Ballmer@peteballmer21 Jul 2022
Parents picking a middle name for their child feels like the “now let’s do a silly photo” of naming
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My favorite thing about Matt Levine: he always starts with something like “Let’s say you have an apple and you want to sell that apple” and by the end is like “which is why multivalent derivatives can never break <σ/.3” and the whole time I’m like yeah dude that checks out
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Zero Franzen at this Barnes & Noble. I sensed it when I walked in… a disturbance… I didn’t know one could even exist without the other.
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Saw the new Top Gun but never saw the first movie—I assume they cover the backstory on how these big machines can just… fly?
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Zero to Midsommar in 2 tchotchkes
Image from Scott Simpson (@scottsimpson)
Image from Scott Simpson (@scottsimpson)
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🥃🙅🏻‍♂️🥈🥳
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Before the internet this would have been unthinkable What a time to be alive
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I don’t know who Machine Gun Kelly is but also I know so much about Machine Gun Kelly
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When a guy goes on national TV and shares your secret with the world
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