1. Writer 2. Obsessed with lists 3. COMMON PEOPLE 4. THE CORRECT ORDER OF BISCUITS 5. THE WHEEL IS SPINNING BUT THE HAMSTER IS DEAD (https://nitter.cf/t.co/xahvo4CqJT)
Where skies are blue (same @)
Joined May 2009
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It’d be foolish of me not to mention here that my next book is called THE WHEEL IS SPINNING BUT THE HAMSTER IS DEAD: A JOURNEY AROUND THE WORLD IN IDIOMS, PROVERBS AND GENERAL NONSENSE. So if you want more idioms like the ones in this thread, please pre-order now (link in my bio)
Louis CK sorry for the strokes
Will Smith sorry for smash mouth
Jimmy Carr sorry for killing joke
Defective peroxide sorry for 4 non blondes
Owl sorry for the who
Misogynists sorry for everything but the girl
UK beef industry sorry for madness
US government sorry for megadeth
ALT A BBC headline from October 2023 that reads “Czech village priest sorry for smashing pumpkins” and underneath is a picture of carved pumpkins, pre and post smashing
A list of lyrics if all lyrics were as profound as "I got soul, but I'm not a soldier"...
1. I got hips, but I’m not a hipster
2. I got plums, but I’m not a plumber
3. I got toes, but I’m not a toaster
4. I got badge, but I’m not a badger
5. I got meow, but I'm not a homeowner
A list of lyrics by The Killers (if they were really into geography)…
1. I got Seoul, but I’m not a Seouldier
2. I got stones, but I’m not Estonia
3. I got goals, but I’m not Angola
4. I got choice, but I’m not AndOrra
5. I got a mam, but I’m not Mamungkukumpurangkuntjunya
At a divorce paper signing…
WOMAN: I regret ever joining that Star Wars dating app
MAN: You were looking for love in Alderaan places
WOMAN: And I really regret marrying a Star Wars pun addict
MAN: It was a wookie mistake
WOMAN: Just sign it
MAN, SIGNING: May divorce be with you
Adam Sharp retweeted
My dad used to say, “I’ll never let you down”
Great man, terrible hot air balloon pilot