Better_Clever (@Better_Clever) | teapawt

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Better_Clever@Better_Clever17 Aug 2017

This green health smoothie tastes like depression and a mouthful of dead flowers.

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Kristen@Kica333Jul 18

The worst thing about trying to parallel park is the witnesses.

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FIORE@drakebonergifJul 1

i’ve started farting at work. i don’t even fucking care anymore.

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@gardengirl125Jun 25

“Im just gonna open this kitchen drawer”

Image from Shannon (@gardengirl125)

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the older i get the heller the no

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@SlenderSherbetApr 10

Me: Why am I always broke? Amazon: Your horse's Thomas the Tank Engine costume has been delivered.

Image from Paul Bronks (@SlenderSherbet)

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Thrilla the Gorilla

@ThrillaRilla369Apr 6

To be truly fluent in English, you must know your shits Dogshit: Very poor quality Bullshit: Not true Horseshit: Nonsense Apeshit: Rambunctious Batshit: Insane Chickenshit: Cowards Ratshit: Poor quality No shit: Obviously Holy shit: Unbelievable Hot shit: Very good Dipshit: Total dumbass Tuff shit: Take it or leave it. Jack shit: Nothing The shit: Perfection

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@0xleegenzMar 8

The older i get, the more i hate making extra stops after work I drive home like i'm late for my house

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Rue’s Last Fix

@CurttiMagurttiMar 3

Who fucking closed last night?

Image from Rue’s Last Fix (@CurttiMagurtti)

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I love when nothing dries because the fitted sheet turned the whole load into one massive b@llsack.

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Jon Tweets Sports

@jontweetssportsFeb 10

I watched a guy run a sub-six-minute mile pace ... uphill ... on skis while I ate a Reese's Blizzard from Dairy Queen (with extra Reese's)

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@WhotfismickJan 22

I'm this OLD

Image from ☔ (@Whotfismick)

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Nayele18@nayele18maybeJan 19

Can’t wait to stop complaining about the cold weather and start complaining about the hot weather

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@kristabellerinaJan 17

Is there anything more annoying than sticky notes that won't stick, like they have one job.

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𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐢✰

@_timisznJan 17

"are we still going?".... An introverts attempt to cancel.

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@deeore56 Dec 2025

whoever salts the fries at McDonald's needs to come do the roads

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Thrilla the Gorilla

@ThrillaRilla36923 Oct 2025

Just got Halloween candy from ALDI, hope these kids like N&N’s & Skattles 😩

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@vvsosa16 Oct 2025

i genuinely feel like if someone wanna steal DEODORANT we should just let them

@ihydevv16 Oct 2025

Why are they locking up deodorant in target?? 😭

Image from Drift ᯓ★ (@ihydevv)

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