People will say this is fake.

My top New Year’s Resolution for 2026 is to stop ending every text with, “Haha!”

AI is wild, guys.

My wife spotted a few gray hairs on me this morning and without skipping a beat, said, “You’re becoming the next Pierce Brosnan.” That’s how you build up your man. #ShakenNotStirred

Keira just said, “Man. Moses was my first crush. I’m so sad.” Took me a minute to realize she was taking about Val Kilmer.

After all the hype around The Madness, I was honestly pretty disappointed. So, back to watching The Day of the Jackal, which is - in my estimation - at least 16,000 times better.

Me: Let’s watch an amazing new movie that we have never seen before! My family: Let’s watch 14 Episodes of The Nanny!

I have a sneaking suspicion Hell will involve eternities of holding your hands under the faucet sensor waiting for water to come on, but never does. You try every position & distance imagineable. You move to a different faucet & give it a try. But your hands stay dirty… forever.

I’m officially old. I was sitting down, minding my own business, watching elite athletes dominate in the Olympics when all of a sudden, I turned my neck & hurt myself. Next thing you know, I’ll be drinking prune juice with a basket of Werther’s on my coffee table, watching golf.

I think we can all agree that we need more Willem Dafoe voiceover commercials.

The Olympics announcer just told Lebron James that he's an "Elder Statesman." He's 39. I can't decide whether or not to be offended or honored that I am a more Elderly Statesman than Lebron.

Your family isn’t in the way. They are the way. #UnsungHero

All I know is Kendrick and Drake are both making $$$$$$$$$ right now.

Reese just unironically put Creed on the Alexa and then asked me if I wanna go see them in concert with her. Yes. Yes I do. #90sButtRockForTheWin