22kmaggots

ALT A digital painting of a dreary scene of the skyline can be seen. There’s a rusted empty signage done in a simple yet beautiful metalwork with plants obscuring it. The sky is gloomy with subtle soft light peeking at the edges where the clouds meet. On top is painted cartoonishly with bold lines, Parmi - a girl with looped twintails, squeezed into a fridge with the door swung open. The top of the fridge where the freezer is, has fruit magnets. The door has a green gingham cloth hanging over it.

ALT Mom just showed up one day. I guess I didn't do a very good job of masking my coarse voice during our last call. The first thing she did was scold me about the mounting parcels in the walkway. Did I ever tell you I went on a spree to try and start new hobbies? The second thing she did was scold me about the fridge being empty. Apparently the bread I've been eating has tiny specks of mold on it. Since when? Do I have mold inside me now too? The third thing she did was clean up and give me medi- was take care of me.

ALT A head shot of a girl is digitally painted. Both her hands are on her cheeks, staring at a red flower. Her background is a wall of leaves, with bright white light seeping in between the gaps. There's text which writes: you caught my eye. even from far away i could only look at you.

ALT Roughly painted is an illustration of the top part of a building with the sky. On the building, the word ‘Sierra’ is written in stainless steel. It is reflecting the sunset light and the whole yellow building seems as if to glow. This is a stark contrast to the dark gloomy sky. You cannot tell if a storm is coming or have just passed. Leaves and trees border the left and right side of the frame. Powerlines cross in between. Parmi is on top of the building with her legs folded into her while blowing her nose.

ALT I have a fever. I’ve been surviving on soup and paracetamol. I don't know what else to write because my mind is simultaneously all over the place and nowhere at all. That's a good way to put it about you too - simultaneously all over the place and nowhere at all - almost like you're also a fever I have, I'm just realizing.

ALT In the backdrop is a painted image of a cloudy and dreary skyline. We can see a blue-green house’s roof shrouded in between deep forest green foliage with a fence poking out of the leftside rooftop. Parmi is wearing a green dress and rain boots with a colourful pinwheel hat. She is holding a red balloon and flying towards the sky.

ALT The still mornings have been bringing rain during the afternoons. The seasons changing sneak up on you. I didn't even notice the summer pass yet it has - and nothing has happened. Why am I disappointed? What did I expect would happen, I wonder? Leaving room, waiting for a reply, daydreaming, wishing, getting angry, getting so sad. Sometimes I'm not sure if I do want you back, sometimes I feel I treasure remembering you more than hoping you actually show up. But let me pop that balloon of thoughts before it forms. I'll make some coffee and pick up a book. On days like this, Isn't that what you used to do?

ALT A painted image looking at the night sky. A roof, airconditioning compressor and clothesline are in view. There are green hangers on the clothesline. One of them has a red-striped collared button up shirt, one is a white sleeveless top and various black sleeveless tops. Everything is illuminated by a light source on the left. On the night sky the constellation of Orion is visible, with the three stars lined up on it's belt and the four main stars for its body. On top of the painting is a cartoonish illustration of a girl in pajamas riding a shooting star. She is waving at you as she rides off to the sky.

ALT Kuya ended up driving me back home earlier than them. They didn’t want me alone but I told them it’s what I need right now. I wanted to be sad without infecting everybody, but when I got home and finally had space to mope, I only felt ridiculous for being so emotional. I snapped out of it and instead I just did my chores as usual. The constellation you like is out tonight. You always said whenever you see it, everything feels like it’ll be just fine. I believe you. Right now, we’re both doing just fine.

ALT A rough, semi-realistic digital painting of the ocean and sky is on the background. The clounds are large and fluffy. It fades into the silhouette of a mountain in the horizon. The colors are a muted orange and blue. On top is a cartoon drawing of a girl with twinloops for hair stumbling out of a jetski that has jumped out of the water.

ALT Entry number twelve, june twenty-eight I didn't want to ruin the vacation for mom. Initially I only took pictures for them to compensate, then I tried to sit by the shore with the waves crashing up to my chest. They called for me to swim but I couldn't do it. My dad caught me crying and in his unsure way of trying to cheer me up, asked if I wanted to ride the jetski. He taught me first then went back to mom. It bounces on the wave with the water splattering my face, if you go fast enough you'll feel one with the wind. Did I get too emotional or did I do it on purpose? Who knows. I got flung like a volleyball before a serve. Instinctively, my body knew how to keep me alive. Dad came to help me back to shore.

ALT A digital painting of the cerulean ocean is seen in the background, the horizon slanted at an angle as the sky expands. Beads of light from the sunshine reflect on the waves. In front is a cartoon looking drawing of a girl with a straw hat wearing a blue green swimsuit. The shadow of her hat obscures her expression, but you can slightly glimpse it being somber. She is sitting down with both her arms supporting her at the back and her knees folded, ankles crossed over, with a shell ankle bracelet on her right ankle.

ALT Entry number eleven, june four I've rejected mom's invitation to the sea a million times, but they still showed to pick me up. I gave in because it's for her birthday and because it's tradition. Every summer to that old little seaside house, I never thought to take you. I hate myself for it , but right now I hate you more. I can't hear the waves, can't see the ocean, can't leave the shore or even stay for a while without getting so angry at you. Most days, I stayed inside stifling a cry.