Mario's gay cousin

got a new hat~🩷

spent the whole morning huffing the scent from my bed cuz it still smells like the wifey🤤

*happy seal noises*

meeting my wife in person next week. really hoping she isn't a bunch of raccoons in a trenchcoat like last time

gay sex is like mario; just keep bouncing on their head until they're finished

i got that dog in me

this regular customer always comes in wearing full maga gear and he still has the dumb bandage on his ear

surprising my fat wife after work with a trail of rose petals leading to her piggy trough

don't listen to the haters. the baddie whose ass barely fits in her cookie monster pj's WILL save you

couch fuckers used to be a respected member of society before one guy ruined it for the rest of us

age regressing at work so I can sue for child labor laws