Attachment Theory specialist. MA Psych. 16 years helping clients build secure romantic, personal, and professional relationships.
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Joined February 2013
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If you want him to take initiative, give him enough room to actually make decisions and experience the consequences.
A relationship becomes much easier when both people can say exactly what they need without making the other person responsible for their emotions.
Your attachment style shows up every time closeness, uncertainty, conflict, or rejection puts pressure on you.
I once attended a pro-marriage conference led by Millennial men to convince GenZ men that marriage is wonderful.
The married presenters spent the entire conference making “my wife hates me” and “we never have sex” jokes in every speech.
“Why don’t young people get married?”🤔
Almost NO ONE is serious about fixing the state of marriage. Gotta face the facts if you want to build a reasonable solution.
the divorce data pisses off conservatives and liberals equally and I love that for me
college educated people divorce less. higher income people divorce less. tell that to conservatives and suddenly they're not into "fix the economy"
married-with-kids couples do better than childless ones. tell that to progressives and suddenly they think you want women barefoot and pregnant
nobody actually wants the stats, they want the stats that confirm what they already believe
We teach boys that it's never okay to make a woman uncomfortable.
We teach girls that it's empowering to physically assault a man when he displeases her.
Why?
Your attachment style shows up every time closeness, uncertainty, conflict, or rejection puts pressure on you.
Secure attachment includes telling people what you need before resentment starts communicating for you.
Anxious attachment makes waiting feel dangerous. Learning to tolerate uncertainty gives you control over how you respond.
The quality of your relationships changes when honesty, accountability, consistency, and repair become normal behaviors instead of emergency measures.
The worst part of naïveté is that it often is not neutral. It tends to enthusiastically support malicious manipulators.
“Bad men need nothing more to compass their ends, than that good men should look on and do nothing." - John Stuart Mill
The quality of your relationships changes when honesty, accountability, consistency, and repair become normal behaviors instead of emergency measures.
QUIET DISORGANIZE WOMEN - Where do you start your attachment journey? nitter.cf/i/broadcasts/1PKqrNmmq…
Secure people take responsibility quickly because accountability feels safer than protecting an image of perfection.
You can care deeply about someone’s feelings while allowing them to manage those feelings themselves.
Learning to tolerate someone else’s disappointment is a major part of developing healthy boundaries.