Ali Elkin

Not me RSVPing yes to my Barre class Friendsgiving because @AOC and @petedavis say I have to join a club.

Keep thinking about that article about the guy with the online gambling addiction who kept digging himself deeper because he wanted to win to show himself he had been doing the right thing and not a very stupid thing, and I think that’s also why some men keep voting for Trump.

Audible screaming coming from multiple directions in Dobbs Ferry, New York.

Love when a restaurant calls its drinks menu a “cocktail program” like I’m about to go to grad school for being tipsy.

What do homeschooled kids dream about when they grow up?

I would love for one of them, either of them, to enter to “Tambourine.”

Is THIS why there’s that terminal in JFK where the only viable food option is Eat & Go Istanbul?

Eric Adams can help with that!

I’ll tell ya how I’m doing. Not well, bitch!

As long as I’m back on Twitter and more horrified than I’ve ever been in my life, maybe it’s time to take up smoking again.

My 3-y-o: What song does a dog sing? Me: Hmm maybe BINGO? 3-y-o: What song does a hamster sing? Me: *cracks knuckles*

Being a mother of two has so removed me from the zeitgeist that I didn’t even feel the damn earthquake.

Lol the first omelette I make on this @LGUS stove is actually a binding arbitration agreement.

Me serving dinner to my three-year-old on a Sunday

Maybe the baby shoes in the six-word story are never worn simply because baby shoes are fucking useless.

I just don’t understand how my breast milk is so fabulous if it’s made out of Italian combos and cream soda.

“Preventing picky eating” is just code for “let’s try to make them thin without giving them eating disorders.” It’s the new version of putting your kids on WeightWatchers while lecturing them about Barbie’s waist circumference. romper.com/parenting/when-di…