BeefyJackMcBeef

Our Parish Council are using geese as COVID Marshals.

🎶 ‘Gherkins roasting on an open fire….’ 🎵 🎶’Everybody knows a turkey and some marmalade, help to make the season bright’ 🎵 M & S launch their Christmas food advertising campaign.

bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cqr7… Sweet merciful heavens, anyone got a toddler I can borrow to dance around the kitchen with whilst I make a stew? I’ve heard it all now.

As many shops charge items at £1.99, £2.99, £3.99, etc. Andy Burnham has today announced the introduction of a 99p coin so that consumers don’t have pockets full of useless pennies. The Bank of England has described the move as ‘Fiscally shrewd’.

Burnham said in PMQ’s he had one ‘substantial’ meeting with Man City, The Sun are now saying he had 6. Gawd, it’s going to be a repeat of the COVID debacle about whether a Scotch egg was a ‘substantial’ meal or not isn’t it? Will you be disclosing the menus @andyburnham ?🤔😉

What an absolutely beautiful day, Woody thinks so too 😊

What do we think about the Government’s early release prison scheme? I fully appreciate that Labour inherited the overcrowding problem but are they taking a bold but big risk? Stories of frightened women, not enough tags, insufficient monitoring, Probation Service issues worry me

Disappointment and bewilderment on the faces of our competitors, but after two & a half hours and 80 questions we emerge victorious at the bowls club quiz 🏆🤓😀

Daughter treated her poor tired grey haired old Dad to a coffee & a chezza b after swimming (not pictured: the cherry as already eaten 😉)

Handed Mrs Jack’s wee sample in to the clinic & was asked if someone had asked for it to be brought in. I said yes my wife asked me. ‘No, did a Doctor ask her?’ I replied that yes they had asked her. I wonder, do folk come in off the street & attempt to deposit unsolicited urine?

I think that the President of Argentina is actually Harry Enfield having us all on 🤔😉

My old Dad would often say to me ‘Son, neither a borrower nor a lender be’. Great man. Terrible mortgage broker.

X guys & gals limbering up for an evening of posts mocking & satirising Burnham’s newly appointed Cabinet members 😉

At times like this I think it must be very nice not to be interested in sport….. you can never be disappointed. It’s the hope that kills you.

That was emotional to say the least…..up next, some Argie-bargy on Wednesday ⚽️ 🥅

Well, come 5pm Wednesday we’ll finally discover the answer to the mystery that has puzzled British fruit juice consumers for generations. Do they REALLY drink Um Bongo in The Congo? 🤔😉

Nice to see that there is a place in international football management (e.g. as coach for Ecuador) for ex-Iron Maiden guitarists 😎😉@IronMaiden

Thank you @metoffice. But for your advice I would have done naked midday aerobics & weightlifting in the road whilst pouring hot soup over me & caught the bus wearing a trench coat, balaclava & with only salty crisps for sustenance.

I think I should have switched my body clock to West Coast USA time for the duration of the World Cup to cope with these late night / early morning matches 🥱

Only yesterday in PMQ’s Starmer told us that everything was grandy & dandy with defence, blaming issues on the previous government. Today his Defence minister has resigned, citing underfunding. Healey has always been respected & an ardent loyalist. They can’t both be right.

‘So you see if he wins the by-election it’ll be a threat to me, the party & the government. I need you to use all your media contacts & dark arts to dish the dirt & discredit him. Total smear job, everything you can. What? No! Not the Reform guy, I’m talking about Andy Burnham!’