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contrary to what you might think I actually don’t know anything about cooking

Alabama
Joined June 2020
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My preexisting conditions include very stoned, bleeding ass, and extreme libido
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Something that people getting mad about this are forgetting is like, yeah it’s not immoral to pay after every drink and slow the bartenders down, you can do it that way if you want to. After a certain point you’re not gonna get served though lol which is like the whole idea here
Replying to @texturedprotein
follow-up step: Stop Paying After Every Drink! this is a majorly time-wasting nuisance. open a tab, pay when you’re done for the night. you are slowing your bartender down drastically for no reason if it’s already busy. especially if you aren’t tipping well lmao???
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Why do you hate me United States Postal Service Why are you playing in my face United States Postal Service
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I bet being a local meteorologist is pretty fun
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How do you say the word lychee
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US interstates are too bumpy and fucked up you’d just die instantly if you did this
I’ve done my share of high-speed autobahn driving in Germany but nothing like this. This is a Bugatti Chiron accelerating up to 417kph or just on 260mph! Absolutely insane speed!
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Like the first little micro bridge or overpass you come to your shit is getting rocked and you’re gonna flip 50 feet in the air like when air gets underneath them in nascar races
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Every time I get a cold I hope that it turns into the thing that actually kills me but robitussin just keeps working
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It’s like im gonna be the last single person left on the planet
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Why do they call them packing peanuts. They’re way bigger than peanuts
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Yet Another thing that’s really impressive if you know nothing about it
Speech can survive being flipped backward every twenty milliseconds. The same speech in backward pieces of 200 then 100 then 50 then 20 milliseconds. The original comes last. When do the words become clear? A listening demo from @OrukLabs.
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They need to name a mf Curtis soon ain’t nobody been called Curtis in awhile
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Dr. Dog is like if the Beatles were good
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Why don’t they put vitamins in beer. Like milk
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cum chef retweeted
Replying to @BitchWaifuu
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Core memory from when I was 5 or 6 years old TV ad for boner pills: …a solution to erectile dysfunction… Me: what’s erectile dysfunction? My dad: (furious, voice shaking) don’t you ever said that out loud again
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I follow this ig account that’s a trans woman making what I think is considered fetish content of her trying to start her car that never turns over and the whole concept of that is the funniest ever to me the hashtags are like #cranking #pedalpumping #carwontstart #womensfashion
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Like it’s a video of legs with fishnets on pressing the gas pedal while you hear the starter motor running for 30 seconds and somebody is jerking off to this somewhere that’s so fucking funny to me
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One really good way to get me to kill myself is to be an app notification that comes up at the precise moment I’m going to touch a button on the screen, covering up what I wanted to do and launching discord or some kind of fucking shit instead
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