🎅 Xmas Archaeologist 🎄 (@ClassADude) | teapawt

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🎅 Xmas Archaeologist 🎄@ClassADude4 Nov 2022

*Turkey Farm during the slaughter* Turkey OSHA Inspector: *throws clipboard down* WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?!

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David 🦃@DBStoner8h

My bots all had their batteries changed. Did yours?

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David 🦃@DBStoner8h

Ain't no fun when you be the one on the wrong end of that crush.

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Ganja Lilly@PureGanja18h

Auto correct keeps changing boobs to books. Now I have great books instead of great boobs.

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Jenny Doesnt Know@HighlyIngenious9h

Snoop on a Stoop? Sir, calm down

Image from Jenny Doesnt Know (@HighlyIngenious)

Image from Jenny Doesnt Know (@HighlyIngenious)

Image from Jenny Doesnt Know (@HighlyIngenious)

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Wilde Thingy (new account)@Wilde_Thingy5h

I never make the same mistake twice. I prefer to make it three or four times. Sometimes more, just to make sure.

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Natalie Would@_NatalieWould6h

I'm a lack of intimacy coordinator

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pete griffin@PeteGGriffin7h

sorry i thought they said erection day. – at Cedarville, OH

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Brunette Bohemian@Jane_Doe8210h

My favorite thing is videos of people reading insane comments from parents on the Facebook pages of the college their kid is going to. One mom asked if the RA would move her son’s elf on the shelf around his dorm room

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Stu, For Real@StuForReal7h

Remember, there's never a problem just always a solution. Well, unless there isn't

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David 🦃@DBStoner9h

"It was the time change!" My excuse for everything this week.

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Jenny Doesnt Know@HighlyIngenious7h

I’m waiting to get lab work done. I’ve already had by blood drawn earlier for a different test. I’m thinking they’re stocking up for the local vampires.

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🎅 Xmas Archaeologist 🎄@ClassADude5h

*post heart procedure stupor* Me: Peanuts Nurse. What? Me: Because Raisin Bran has raisins.

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tater's trailer trash🍁@TrueTorontoGirl11h

When I swear it's basically an involuntary physical reaction to stupidity.

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Horatio Quartzjixler@Quartzjixler14h

What base is it when she calls you "punk?"

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David 🦃@DBStonerNov 2

Yes, I'm your creeper darling. Always lurking out for you. 🖤

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Wilde Thingy (new account)@Wilde_Thingy18h

Being the most popular politician in the country is like being the most hygienic cockroach in the shit pile.

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Stu, For Real@StuForReal12h

🎶 Here comes the scum here comes the scum

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🎅 Xmas Archaeologist 🎄@ClassADude11h

Wife: You don't have a "special needs" penis! Me: 😔

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K Squared@thatdentaldude12h

(Arriving late to work meeting) Me, holding full Starbucks cup: traffic was terrible

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Wilde Thingy (new account)@Wilde_Thingy15h

It is easier to pass a camel through the eye of a needle than it is to convince somebody online that they are wrong.

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