YOLO Tomassi (@CloseSchaef) header
YOLO Tomassi (@CloseSchaef) profile picture

YOLO Tomassi

@CloseSchaef

Deep state operative for the All-Night Party

 Brooklyn, NY
joeschaefercomedy.com
Joined August 2014
  • Tweets1.7K
  • Following214
  • Followers241
253Media
Photo by YOLO Tomassi (@CloseSchaef)Photo by YOLO Tomassi (@CloseSchaef)Photo by YOLO Tomassi (@CloseSchaef)Photo by YOLO Tomassi (@CloseSchaef)Photo by YOLO Tomassi (@CloseSchaef)Photo by YOLO Tomassi (@CloseSchaef)Photo by YOLO Tomassi (@CloseSchaef)Photo by YOLO Tomassi (@CloseSchaef)Photo by YOLO Tomassi (@CloseSchaef)Photo by YOLO Tomassi (@CloseSchaef)
At Jonestown, 906 cultists died of drinking poisoned Kool-Aid, as well as the first officer on the scene, Jeff "Don't Mind If I Do" Ramirez.
78
2,015
149
6,747
Comedy Community: An Afghan comedian I'm friends with is currently being hunted by the Taliban and is in hiding in Afghanistan. He is a political comedian + now they are looking for him.If anyone has any ability to help get him out of the country please let me know. Please share.
2
37
2
75
“To whom it may concern” - vague - weak - ignorable “To whom it will concern” - ominous - strong - alarming
111
9,827
263
47,117
I’m too depressed for LA. Being depressed in NYC makes sense, it’s filthy, the trains don’t work, there’s rats everywhere, but when I’m on the beach in Santa Monica I’m like omg the rats are in me
193
5,834
649
129,027
Why the fuck is it called the restroom I am fighting for my life in here
199
15,192
817
144,703
I heard you were talking about me during your set last night you fucking loser
2
3
YOLO Tomassi retweeted
Dan Kois (@dankois) profile picture
Dan Kois@dankois7 Apr 2021
this interview absolutely delivers slate.com/culture/2021/04/mo…
Image from Dan Kois (@dankois)
Image from Dan Kois (@dankois)
63
5,043
206
41,055
YOLO Tomassi retweeted
Trung Phan (@TrungTPhan) profile picture
Trung Phan
@TrungTPhan30 Mar 2021
this critique of business cards is prob the funniest thing I’ve ever seen
315
1,679
714
12,240
YOLO Tomassi retweeted
Eve Forward (@eveforward) profile picture
Eve Forward@eveforward10 Mar 2021
Rage, rage against the dying of the light
Sign says: REFUSE TO BE STORED IN BLACK PLASTIC SACKS AND PLACED IN THE CONTAINERS PROVIDED

ALT Sign says: REFUSE TO BE STORED IN BLACK PLASTIC SACKS AND PLACED IN THE CONTAINERS PROVIDED

280
10,001
500
66,314
Me as the Amazon Fulfillment Shock Troops kick in my door and fire a 7000 volt taser into my perineum: "I guess you chums need a refresher on this little thing called the US Constitution!"
So was Chris O'Donnell just a prototype Chris Evans?
Me during Covid pupation vs me when I finally emerge from my chrysalis
Image from YOLO Tomassi (@CloseSchaef)
Image from YOLO Tomassi (@CloseSchaef)
ステイホームの犠牲者 （再掲）
Image from こしあん (@danndaramoyou)
Image from こしあん (@danndaramoyou)
Image from こしあん (@danndaramoyou)
370
51,646
1,568
221,469
But the biggest surprise of all, was when they hacked our hearts. "KGB Mine" coming to theaters Dec 25th!
The Washington Post (@washingtonpost) profile pictureThe Washington Post
@washingtonpost18 Dec 2020
Opinion: Russia hasn’t just hacked our computer systems. It’s hacked our minds. wapo.st/37v0SGV
Opinion | Russia hasn’t just hacked our computer systems. It’s hacked our minds.

Opinion | Russia hasn’t just hacked our computer systems. It’s hacked our minds.

Trump has emulated the propaganda tactics of modern Russia.

washingtonpost.com
1
Which way Western peepee?
Image from YOLO Tomassi (@CloseSchaef)
Image from YOLO Tomassi (@CloseSchaef)
YOLO Tomassi retweeted
Rachel (@femaleredhead) profile picture
Rachel@femaleredhead12 Nov 2020
you can’t just respect the penis. you’ve gotta
Image from Rachel (@femaleredhead)
628
19,137
1,910
191,853
Image from YOLO Tomassi (@CloseSchaef)
Image from YOLO Tomassi (@CloseSchaef)
Image from YOLO Tomassi (@CloseSchaef)
Image from YOLO Tomassi (@CloseSchaef)
1
1
2
A spooky dance.
1
2
H.P. Lovecraft witnessing a horror that's fully describable
Image from Brooks Otterlake (@i_zzzzzz)
61
3,352
82
32,277
Load more