Zach Gregorich

Building the ideal NFL DEFENSE based entirely on their relationship situation: DE1: 6’6 lumberjack from Montana. Married his high school sweetheart. Owns 40 acres and chops wood for fun. DT1: 340-pound Polynesian. Wife and 4 kids. Entire extended family at every home game. Elite surfer. DT2: 330-pound Polynesian. Married at 21. Elite surfer. Has 14 cousins who could also play D1 football. DE2: Another lumberjack. Lives in Wyoming. Wife, 3 kids, pickup truck. Has never been to a nightclub. MLB: Married with 3 kids. Wife runs the entire household. Knows every defensive assignment but couldn’t name his kids’ teachers. Beautiful mid OLB1: Girlfriend of 6 years. Refuses to propose because “marriage is just a piece of paper.” She has a ring Pinterest board with 900 pins. OLB2: Married at 22. Met his wife at Bible study. Hunts every offseason. Has never downloaded a dating app. CB1: Completely single. Dating 3 women who all think they’re exclusive. Following 5,000 women on Instagram. Let him play man coverage. CB2: Dating an Instagram model with 600k followers. They unfollow each other after every loss. Somehow plays better when they’re fighting. Nickel CB: 5’9 with a 5’11 girlfriend who played D1 volleyball. Brings up that he plays in the NFL within 45 seconds of meeting anyone. FS: Married to a nurse. Completely normal relationship. Goes straight home after practice. You need at least one mentally stable DB. SS: 6 kids with 4 women. Currently engaged to none of them. Hits like a missile. Leads the NFL in unnecessary roughness. This defense allows 16.8 PPG and has 4 separate HR investigations by Week 11.