@CobraCommander

How dare you anticipate my strategy!

 Cobra Island
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cobra_Commander
Joined May 2008
  • Tweets1.8K
  • Following0
  • Followers116K
Every time you protest a data center, you’re taking away American jobs. Jobs that could be building Cobra an army of battle androids.
24
92
5
758
11,933
So first we make gas hit $6, maybe $7/gal here, here, here, here, and here. Then
17
142
11
854
17,365
Don’t be ridiculous. AI isn’t going to kill you. Cobra is going to kill you.
207
548
62
4,530
252,707
I’m very sorry for your loss. Dolly was a terribly attractive woman.
4
7
1
138
5,138
You’re trying to defeat Cobra? On the one night a year it’s legal for single people to have sex?!
1
5
88
8,765
Remember what you’re missing, America.
Cobra Commander@CobraCommander
16 Nov 2022
Ok, fine! Here’s my presidential platform: ☀️ Abolish daylight saving time 🏥 Free universal healthcare 🪓 Lawsuits are to the death 🍦 Fix McDonald’s icecream machines 🐍 Your politicians work for COBRA! 🎃 Make Halloween a national holiday on the Saturday closest to Oct 31st
6
15
112
12,120
Somebody get these beggars out of here!
3
33
2
375
9,145
Gym Bro Skeletor is gonna be a banger Halloween costume this year
20
278
17
4,849
71,418
I don’t need to test my troopers’ testosterone levels — they’re foot soldiers in the Cobra cause. World domination! Of course they have unhealthy levels of hormones coursing through their veins!
8
24
219
5,458
My mind palace is wall-to-wall brutalist architecture.
3
99
5,008
It’s only a “midterm” election if you plan on sticking to their schedule.
6
19
281
5,800
Yes, yessss, the new movie rumors are flying. Of course Hollywood wants me back on the silver screen! But if they do me dirty again I’ll show the casting director the real meaning of a headshot.
8
18
2
238
7,112
Cobra will be airdropping a selection of fruits and vegetables over your major population centers this week. 100% organic and diarrhea-free. Pinky promise!
7
43
3
374
7,431
Your politicians are so inept they’re going to end up making the wrong time permanent. Fools!
Cobra Commander@CobraCommander
10 Mar 2025
Daylight Saving Time, you nasty bitch.
4
29
241
10,607
At least I would’ve been tasteful about the whole thing.
28
206
9
1,794
41,579
You could’ve appointed me to the vacant Senate seat! I’m a man of the people! I’ve never stepped foot in South Carolina, but my people assure me it exists.
9
37
3
434
7,931
Wait — has the parrot been ratatouilling this seaman the whole time? That might change my perspective on the situation.
Cobra Commander@CobraCommander
Jul 13
Don’t worry, America! Your government has sent their best to secure the Strait of Hormuz. And also a parrot for some reason.
5
18
210
9,115
Don’t worry, America! Your government has sent their best to secure the Strait of Hormuz. And also a parrot for some reason.
19
35
2
366
16,665
Before you ask, yes, Cobra is actively recruiting the surly Yellowstone Bison. I like his style. May a thousand more grandpas go flying.
12
39
2
613
29,987
TWO dead senators. In THIS economy?!
9
37
4
658
15,562
Load more