Deezlaughs

Only spell it “errbody” if literally ever person in the club is gettin’ tipsy.

The closest I’ve ever come to being on Naked and Afraid is taking a shit without my cellphone. #relatable

New shit... I no longer say “I’m drunk” I say “My personality has been hacked” #technology

I carry a knife, bit it’s just in case of a cake.

I can tell people are judgemental just by looking at them.

There's a special place on hell for auto correct

If some slut tries to steal your boyfriend, remember, that's actually her husband, & you're just drunk.

You clearly cared enough that jimmy cracked corn enough to write a frickin song about it.