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Sarah Dempster

@Dempster2000

Comedy writer for tv & radio & freelance contributor to Private Eye. @BAFTA Connect member

 Del Boca Vista
guardian.co.uk/profile/sarahdempster
Joined October 2009
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I’ve written something about Noel Edmonds theguardian.com/tv-and-radio…
‘I am Jesus!’: the TV brilliance of Noel Edmonds

‘I am Jesus!’: the TV brilliance of Noel Edmonds

As the presenter makes a comeback with a wild attempt to run a New Zealand pub, we look back on his greatest moments – from gunge-based hysteria to being Brexit’s patient zero

theguardian.com
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Sarah Dempster (@Dempster2000) profile picture
Sarah Dempster@Dempster20006 Sep 2024
why does noel edmonds always look as if he’s in the middle of coordinating a mainland terrorist atrocity
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Image from Sarah Dempster (@Dempster2000)
Image from Sarah Dempster (@Dempster2000)
Image from Sarah Dempster (@Dempster2000)
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“MAGAmemnon”. Incredible.
HENRY MORRIS (@mrhenrymorris) profile pictureHENRY MORRIS@mrhenrymorris15 Jun 2025
Heil to the Chief! It's Donald Trump's vanity parade. My latest filing for the PNG Courier.
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Happy 10th birthday to this terrible thing x
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As I enter my late middle years I find myself thinking more about the nature of forgiveness, and how much more positive it would be if, rather than endlessly & desperately parroting the far-right, Starmer were simply to be trampled by geese while rollerblading in the Dordogne.
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Imagine the party the conclave boys are going to throw tonight
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stormzy clears things up
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Remarkable how many cuts of meat sound like veteran news anchors facing multiple accusations of workplace harassment: Chuck Brisket Rib Silverside Rump Foreshank Plate Centreloin Flank Saddleback
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Tonight, as you're tucking into a calendar and waiting for Father Time to rub his clock on your roof, why not treat yourself to one of Radio 4's stupider seasonal emanations (worded by @jonholmes1, @Dempster2000 and me). #Hoot #WeForcedABotToWriteThisShow bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m001tr…
We Forced a Bot to Write This Show - 3: Perfume, Poe, and Podcast. (And Jools Holland's Hooting...

We Forced a Bot to Write This Show - 3: Perfume, Poe, and Podcast. (And Jools Holland's Hooting...

AI digests human media, then writes its own versions. The result is absurdly hilarious.

bbc.co.uk
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Martin (@_SmartUK) profile picture
Martin@_SmartUK28 Dec 2024
Replying to @Dempster2000
Craig Revel Horcrux
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Craig Revel Horwood’s transformation into an occult bookshop owner in an Amicus portmanteau appears to be entering its imperial phase.
Image from Sarah Dempster (@Dempster2000)
Image from Sarah Dempster (@Dempster2000)
Image from Sarah Dempster (@Dempster2000)
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The Associated Press (@AP) profile pictureThe Associated Press
@AP21 Dec 2024
Pope Francis reprimands Vatican staff for gossiping in annual Christmas message apnews.com/article/pope-chri…
Pope has a cold and will skip outdoor Sunday prayer ahead of a busy week

Pope has a cold and will skip outdoor Sunday prayer ahead of a busy week

Pope Francis is suffering from a cold and will deliver his Sunday blessing from indoors. The Vatican cited the cold temperatures outside and Francis’ busy week ahead.

apnews.com
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[YOGURT BOARDROOM] Bob: so we all got the memo that the public is uncomfortable with our use of the word “udder” and we’ll be removing it from packaging with immediate effect, right? Jeb: (through mouthful of udders) what
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Dreamt about a sequel to Sophie’s Choice set in south central LA in which Sophie teams up with a rapper-lawyer called “U-Chooz”. Devastating. Woke at 4 and wrote down the title
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Jon Holmes (@jonholmes1) profile picture
Jon Holmes@jonholmes129 Nov 2024
AND HENCE IT APPROACHETH… our brand new Friday Night Comedy with @andrewhunterm and @amy_hoggart. #TheNakedWeek starts @BBCRadio4 at 6.30pm! Jokes, stuff, messing around, jokes, and some actual investigative journalism (but with jokes in it.) bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0025c0…
BBC Radio 4 - The Naked Week, Series 1, Episode 1: Lobbying, art, soup, and farms

BBC Radio 4 - The Naked Week, Series 1, Episode 1: Lobbying, art, soup, and farms

A mischievous look behind the week's headlines with clips, unexpected guests, and satire.

bbc.co.uk
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mr. joshua (@pants) profile picture
mr. joshua
@pants29 Nov 2024
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UPDATE: Gregg Wallace looks like a dog sexually harassing a trifle through a fence.
Sarah Dempster (@Dempster2000) profile pictureSarah Dempster@Dempster20005 Feb 2024
The sod is trending so here follows my biannual Gregg Wallace Tweet® - Gregg Wallace looks like a dog barking at a trifle through a fence.
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Reading one (1) news article on a regional news website.
This Post is from a suspended account. Learn more
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Ian Hislop in ⁦@PrivateEyeNews⁩ on his encounter with the unrepentant Justin Welby
Image from Peter Bradshaw (@PeterBradshaw1)
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Sarah Dempster retweeted
Neil Renic (@NC_Renic) profile picture
Neil Renic@NC_Renic20 Nov 2024
People who went to Oxford will be like, “this cold weather reminds me of Oxford, where I attended the University of Oxford, as a member of the University of Oxford”
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