Writer | A wise person once told me old pizza is better than no pizza. I firmly believe that.
Here and there, mostly
Joined September 2011
- Tweets2.2K
- Following26.3K
- Followers28.7K
- Likes3.2K
Pinned Tweet
FYI for the 13 people and 576 bots that’ll see this: I wrote a book. You can pre-order it now (if you’re into that). It’s maybe sometimes humorous and maybe sometimes amusing and maybe sometimes not. I like it tho, and I’d love for you to like it too.
a.co/d/0jh2h7vp
There’s a crossing guard that I see most days on my way to pick up my son from pre-k. He’s a jolly Santa like figure. As he ushers kids (junior high) across the street, he offers each one a fist bump. The kids return the gesture with a smile. It’s fun to see.
Forgot a spoon for my yogurt and ended up finding two straws in a forgotten drawer in the break room and now I have straw chopsticks.
Not to brag, but my book just hit #985,175 on Amazon’s best sellers list. Can’t wait to see the NYT article dedicated to numbers 985,170-985,180.
Update: we are now out of the top 1 million. Really unfortunate considering I already tattooed ABS #985,175 on my rib cage.
“I’ve got an idea. Hear me out. Sweaters,” pauses and smiles, confidently, as though about to lay down a royal flush. “But for feet.”
“What do you mean, like socks?”
…
My current situation: at Target
My potential predicament: should a zombie apocalypse break out at this very moment, it’s not looking good
Big news from one of my favorite writers. Okay, fine, the writer is me.
devonnewport.medium.com/i-wr…
Wrote this over the course of a couple days while on paternity leave. Usually in between diaper changes. Feel free to add to it in the comments.
devonnewport.medium.com/17-b…
Some heroes wear capes, some have a bushy red mustache. medium.com/@devonnewport/my-…
Stick figure (who may or may not be me) + tasty food + bike = modern day stock torture link.medium.com/fq3m0kXkVxb
This is my dog’s friend, Quacky. If it looks like he’s giving me a dirty look, it’s because he is. The other day we all went out to eat and I left him with the bill.
A couple of my co-workers had Lebanese food for lunch yesterday. Today, one of them called in sick, the food perhaps playing a role. The other one, upon hearing this news, said, “I’m sorry to hear that he’s sick.” And then, after a brief pause, he added, “I falafel.”