The tactics people use on you, explained.
Joined September 2018
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Gaslighting rarely starts with big lies. It starts small enough that you'd feel silly calling it out. Here's how it builds.
You finally leave, and suddenly they're the person you always wanted them to be. That's called hoovering. Here's how it works.
The tell is the timing. Hoovering shows up right when you've started to move on. A new job, a new relationship, a good month. Your peace is the trigger.
Testing boundaries.
A small rude comment. A plan cancelled last minute. A joke at your expense.
The tell is that each one is small enough to let slide, and that's exactly the point.
The tell is how certain they always are. Everyone misremembers sometimes and admits it. Someone gaslighting you is never the one who got it wrong.
Triangulation.
An ex who "still texts," a coworker who "really gets them." Someone always gets brought into it.
The tell is that you end up competing for attention you used to get freely.
Intermittent reinforcement.
Cold for days, then suddenly warm. You start living for the good moments.
The tell is that the unpredictability itself is what keeps you hooked.