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Joined October 2015
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When I think of all those wasted years I avoided anything made with cream cheese because it was icky, I just eat another slice of cheesecake.
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I used to complain about altering time, but now I just change everything along with the clocks until I don’t know how humid I really am or what my barometric pressure actually is. Don’t even get me started on temperature, that fickle scam.
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Why did the kid come to the door when the porch lights were off? More to the point, why did I answer the door?
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I appreciate a month that ends itself on a Saturday.
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I don't come to twitter to learn, but sometimes I do.
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Got a new gigantor TV. Watched “Dreamboat Annie“ and Yanni’s Aria a million times already.
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If you think gas is expensive, try filling your tank up with DayQuil.
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I like the not very subtle threat being used to try to scare people into voting. “Who you vote for is secret. Whether you vote isn't. Your neighbors can look it up.” To which I reply “if you brushed your teeth this morning you can kiss my ass.”
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I’ve started saying “as you wish” instead of “fine.” Same surrender, considerably more sword.
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I bring a banjo player with me whenever I go out in case I get into a bar fight
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At first, you may get excited when you find a soft pretzel on the floor of the men’s bathroom at the sports bar, but trust me, you do not want to eat it.
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What happens in Vegas rarely stays in Vegas, but it’s a nice idea.
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The plural of “seal” is “seals,” but the plural of “walrus” is “the Seven Walruses of Revelation.”
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It's a good thing that I have never been given access to an arena's t-shirt cannon because I would aim for people no more than six feet away from me who aren't paying attention.
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In my experience, someone who uses another person's email account to conduct adult business is a loser sui generis.
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"Somali Fraud" would be a beautiful name for a baby girl.
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At a sci-fi convention Me: Piccard Mons on Pluto is not named for Jean-Luc Picard from "Star Trek: The Next Generation." It's named for Swiss physicist Auguste Piccard. The spelling gives it away. Patrick Stewart: Security!
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Thinking about becoming a drifter who plays a harmonica but I will pronounce it "harmoni-kai."
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Specimens. My goodness how fortunate.
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Upon reflection
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