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I used to complain about altering time, but now I just change everything along with the clocks until I don’t know how humid I really am or what my barometric pressure actually is. Don’t even get me started on temperature, that fickle scam.
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Why did the kid come to the door when the porch lights were off? More to the point, why did I answer the door?
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I’ve started saying “as you wish” instead of “fine.” Same surrender, considerably more sword.
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The plural of “seal” is “seals,” but the plural of “walrus” is “the Seven Walruses of Revelation.”
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It's a good thing that I have never been given access to an arena's t-shirt cannon because I would aim for people no more than six feet away from me who aren't paying attention.
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In my experience, someone who uses another person's email account to conduct adult business is a loser sui generis.
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At a sci-fi convention
Me: Piccard Mons on Pluto is not named for Jean-Luc Picard from "Star Trek: The Next Generation." It's named for Swiss physicist Auguste Piccard. The spelling gives it away.
Patrick Stewart: Security!
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Thinking about becoming a drifter who plays a harmonica but I will pronounce it "harmoni-kai."











