Stand-up comedian. Married with 6 kids. Accidental goat farmer. Jesus follower.
Georgia, USA
Joined October 2011
- Tweets20.6K
- Following1.9K
- Followers4.1K
- Likes37.2K
I love y'all here on Twitter, but this same post has 6 likes here and 11,000 likes on Threads. Wherein hath I offended the Twitter lords?
threads.com/@edwiley/post/Df…
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our old female cat with dementia swatted our old male cat without dementia in the face, he looked at her like, "cheryl, we've been together for years, i'd do anything for you, now let's waddle down these stairs and share a bowl of fancy feast like we still love each other"
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Social media is really not that bad if you avoid accounts that argue and troll nonstop about absolutely everything. They're the ones usually selling something. A book. Podcast ads. Speaking engagements. Lord, give us cat memes.
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me, to my teenagers: what'd y'all think about the message this morning
them: it was good
me: what did you like about it
them: the words in the message
me:
them:
me: bet
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You think Buc-ee's is big now? Wait till this AI bubble bursts and they put one in an abandoned datacenter. It'll be like the Oregon Trail just getting to the restroom. 1/2
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Traveling on Halloween. Stopped at Chick-Fil-A to grab a bite. I walked by a family and a green dinosaur goes, "What are you dressed as?" Without hesitation I said, "Amish IT Professional", which the parents thought was funny, but really confused the kid. Happy Halloween!
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Me, a dad of six, with three teenagers: I feel like a broken record.
My kids: You mean like a broken vinyl record?
Me: Yes, a warped, scratched, vintage vinyl record, repeating the same audio continuously.
My kids: What'd you say?
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Saw the Elizabeth Holmes doc. The best part? Someone in the film said, "Stockholm Syndrome," a lady behind us loud-whispered, "Keith!? What's that?", and the near-empty theater got to hear Keith explain Stockholm Syndrome in an extreme southern accent. South GA is great.
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