Michelle O’neill

British people cannot simply say hello when their friend enters the pub. Oh no no no. Instead they must say “here he is!” or “who let you in?” Sometimes they might say “well look who decided to show up” even if the friend is on time. Or “fancy seeing you here!” or “who invited you?” despite the friend being invited and expected. Sometimes they might even say something that suggests they don’t recognise the friend at all, like “do I know you?” or “who are you and what have you done with John?” Maybe they’ll say “they just let anyone in here these days”, or “good timing, it’s your round”. Or perhaps they’ll simply let out a loud cheer. But they will never just say hello.