Eden Dranger

Sorry I can’t come to your party, I heard you don’t have a dog.

The PR dude from Nathan for You was the same guy from my episode of Millionaire Matchmaker?! Was his “strategy” for his PR firm to be on as many reality shows as possible 🤔

98% of podcasts is just 4 dudes hanging out.

Willing to bet a bajillion bucks that if she didn’t have a jail sentence, Elizabeth Holmes would be working for the Trump administration as like Secretary of Health or whatever.

when the Trader Joe’s cashier says what i I bought looks tasty.

Password must contain a symbol, a number, an emotional arc, a centralized theme, a big set piece, a male lead "struggling w/inner demons" & a strong female character.

Body: Okay, goodnight. Anxiety: absolutely not

If I had superpowers, I'd like to be able to choose what to watch on Netflix in under an hour.

your birthday as an adult mainly consists of texting back "thanks!" to people you haven't talk to in 10 years.

It feels more like this:

All I want for my birthday is for someone to pay my electric bill 😭.

It’s that time of night when I get home and stay parked in my garage for 25 minutes scrolling my phone before going inside.

Ok I think my new slut rule is that I don’t fuck anyone who doesn’t like Mad Men.

I don’t get it! We have treatment for polio and HIV but we haven't figured out a fix for when you shake the bottle of mustard and clear liquid still comes out first. Mustard pre-cum is the WORST!

Here for the “graphic nudity”.