Dan The Man

the average verified twitter account

This just in: In a bold move, Trump has declared that Epstein was a mass delusion, saying that he’s nothing more than a figment of our collective imagination and never actually existed. In fact, he doesn’t know anyone named Jeffrey. “Epstein? Isn’t that some kind of bath salts?”

Today we said goodbye to our dearly beloved friend and family member, Trish. Passed away in her sleep this morning. I saved her life when she was a kitten and she would later go on to save my life. She will be deeply, deeply missed. We love you, Trish fish.

I'd almost forgotten about the ugly monkeys

Doing some gardening and realising that the internet has ruined my brain

Draw me like one of your french girls

Apparently you can just pay to be at the top of the trending tab now, and of course it’s a crypto thing

don’t be a coward show me how many unread emails you’ve got I’ll start

This sounds promising.

Another incredible piece. I’m absolutely loving this series and we’re only two letters in!

My daughter is incredible. She saved pocket money all year so she could buy me a Nintendo Switch for Christmas. After my flabbergasted response to her giving it to me she said “oh, now I get why you like giving me presents”. She’s the best.

Quote with your favourite movie dance scene

Hey @GoranGligovic, not sure if you're familiar with @DenUngeHerrHolm but he, like you, makes his art free for anyone to use. He usually starts with an ink blot and builds his illustrations from that. It's pretty cool and I thought you might like it. youtu.be/hLOtjWI2bFs?si=X8dq…

Got a random like from a random person, figured it was a bot, checked their profile and I’m pretty sure this confirms it

Well, I'm convinced. I'm definitely clicking on this absolutely, 100% not at all shady, random link. It's my final RENUBDER!

“I want to play a game”

Had a molar removed a couple days ago. Woke up with a dry socket yesterday. Must have swallowed the clot in my sleep. My jaw now aches like crazy and my mouth tastes like the smell of burnt hair. I guess that must be what jawbone tastes like.