100% factual and literal Jesus: Jesus: The kingdom of heaven is like an algae seed from the pond, which a man took and— Jew 1: Hold on. An algae seed? What’s that? We plant mustard, wheat, barley. Never heard of algae seeds. Jesus: Right, so algae don’t actually make seeds you plant in a field. They’re these tiny little reproductive bits, more like spores, about 0.01 millimeters. You can’t even see them properly. They just float around in water and— Jew 2: So they’re not seeds. Jesus: Technically no. Algae reproduce by spores or splitting or fragments. No coat, no stored food like a proper seed. Completely different from mustard. Jew 3: Then why did you call it a seed? Jesus: Because I was going for “smallest thing that grows into something big.” Mustard is the smallest thing you plant. Algae bits are smaller, but you don’t sow them in a field. They just- Jew 1: So the kingdom of heaven is like something nobody plants, that nobody’s ever seen, that isn’t even a seed? Jesus: Look, the point is it starts tiny and ends up huge, with birds in the branches. Jew 2: But algae don’t become trees. They stay slimy. Jesus: I know they stay slimy. That’s why I usually say mustard but in 2000 years atheists will fact check me.