married, runs a business, has a cat, likes to cook
CA
Joined February 2009
- Tweets3K
- Following148
- Followers333
- Likes9.1K
Anyone know ways we could help the firefighters and low income families impacted by the LA fires?
47
WTH @CoxHelp mobile. 2 months disputing charges, bill was supposed to be $90 a month & my bill is $500? 2 months of talking to the billing department, they say a supervisor will call & they never do, phone is now disconnected on my kids 1st day of PreK & school can't call me?
2
110
2am
DAAAAAAAAD!!!!!
*out of breath*
yea owen? you ok?
when a garbage truck goes potty, it needs a penis AND a butt.
*points at owen*
correct.
1
2
My 8 week old son has taught me that to have a bowel movement you need to swing your arms around just right and make intense emotional eye contact with anyone in the room. I’ll be using this method from now on
3
Started cooking my Marie Calendars Chicken Pot Pie in the oven hopefully it’s done by lunch time Friday
2
Here’s a question for all you so called “scientists”
I leave a spot of ketchup on my counter for 30 minutes, ants everywhere
Trash sits in a dumpster all week rotting in the sun, same apartment complex, no ants
Only logical solution is that ants are under the control of satan
1
2
I kiss my 8 week old son’s forehead in the morning when I leave for work, and I always leave a little splotch of coffee that was in my mustache. This is my act of anointing his life. My wife is NOT into it
1
7
Late night new dad product idea: shirts with a few pieces of Velcro over the left shoulder, and burp rags that have a little bit of velcro on them as well, so the burp rag stops slipping and dad stops accidentally getting into bed with a shoulder covered in baby milk barf
4
*dating someone*
Everyone: being engaged is better. You’ll see
*engaged*
Every1: being married is better. You’ll see
*married*
Every1: having a kid is better. You’ll see
*1st kid*
Every1: 2 kids is better. You’ll see
So is basically everyone ranking joy by their life stage?
5
I have my one mug for coffee at the office. I never finish my last cup of coffee, and never empty it or clean it when I put new coffee in the next day. Finishing up week 2 of this. #realtalk
1
2
I think I’m one dedicated afternoon away from proving Rob Lowe’s character in West Wing, Parks and Rec and Wayne’s World is in a shared universe and is the same person
2
Weird baby things I’m learning.
1. They aren’t born with the ability to shed tears
2. Not ticklish yet. That comes later too
3. Not all babies have blue eyes, some have grey eyes
4. Their stomachs start off only holding about a pea-size amount of food
1
4
Some good friends of mine decided to bless the St. Hilaire household with a year supply of @doritos to celebrate my son being born
Almost 48 hours in and have stepped into an unknown cavern in my soul and have stumbled across storehouses of love and passion for being a dad. #Owensthilaire
2
13
I’ve = I have
Eg. “I’ve got to stop arguing with my cat”
But saying
“I’ve an argument with my cat every morning”
is wrong. Or
“I’ve Doritos, go away cat”
is also wrong.
Consistency was not a priority when creating the English language
5
Me: Hospitals have generators, they don’t shut down during an earthquake
My wife (in 9th month of pregnancy) reading news on her phone: they shut down the hospital in Ridgecrest
Me:
Her:
Me: ...you could...hold it in
Her: it doesn’t work that way
Me: right right ok ok
8
Nevermind, @CoxComm is super helpful and took care of a misunderstanding on my account, saving me money. Thanks Cox!
2