Gillian May

Drama and chaos are highly addictive to the body. Cortisol and adrenaline allow us to feel alive or 'like ourselves.' A trauma background makes drama a subconscious comfort zone. It takes conscious work to break this cycle.

They don’t need to be accountable for their behavior for you to heal from it.

It’ll show up with that next person, too. Promise...

Mature love looks like: 1. Asking for what you want, directly 2. Accepting that your partner can't meet every need 3. Encouraging a partner to do things that makes them feel fulfilled 4. Learning how to have difficult conversations 5. Taking responsibility for how you react when upset 6. Giving and taking space as needed 7. Creating stability through doing what you say you'll do

People picture a spiritual awakening as something that happens with monks on a mountain, but it actually happens to anyone who has the courage to see themselves, fully. It's the journey home to our authentic self.

They say you’ve changed. Exactly. You no longer tolerate dysfunction, and that’s not convenient for them.

Lorelai and Rory are the classic codependent mother and daughter. Rory is parentified by her emotionally immature parent. Lorelai uses her as her sole confidant (BFF), and there are no boundaries— Lorelai is over-involved in every aspect of her life. This shows up as: control, manipulation, and withholding. Lorelai projects her own dream of going to Harvard into Rory since childhood. When Rory applies to Yale, she sulks and leaves a dinner. Rory hides things from her for fear of how she’ll react. They never openly communicate and often give each other the silent treatment during conflict. Their dramatic relationship makes for an addictive show and leaves out the true pain, dysfunction, and shame that comes from codependent relationships.

Ross makes a list of Rachel’s pros and cons including: she is ditzy, too obsessed with her looks, and ‘just a waitress.’ He thinks apologizing means calling into a local radio show to dedicate a song to her. Later, he wants Rachel to quit her new job because she has an attractive coworker. He calls her to apologize about his jealousy, hears that her co-worker is at Rachel’s apartment, and decides to sleep with another woman because of it. His controlling and insulting behavior is seen as endearing and charming— rather than a red flag, reflecting his deep insecurities.