ugly fat billionaire

The disconnect between me and everyone else at this point is as you can imagine unimaginable

Virginia is the only state where I’ve seen somebody swerve INTO roadkill

Hazbin Hotel fans when that redbubble poster comes through the mail

Accidentally sat on my phone while that tweet was banging and I gave myself a prostrate orgasm from the notification vibrations

Harassing the never-fully-realized-her-dreams Umamusume character working as a Starbucks barista by ordering a cloppuccino with extra cream every day

I eat bananas for the shape not the flavor

If I got a girlfriend I wouldn’t even talk to her I’d just be so grossed out that she would date someone like me

The government sends me disability checks for being ugly

Am I gonna kill myself if I read this

I can tell my penis feels assaulted every time my hand touches it

Based off of how I tweet on this account you might assume that I’m a 5’2” morally repulsive celibate creep that can’t look girls in the eye but I’m actually 5’6”

She asked me to spit on her and I accidentally launched a tonsil stone onto her face

This game sucks horse dick

If I was a girl my pussy would be so fat I’d have to tuck it into my waist band

I’m gonna jerk whatever the hell lives inside of my boxers

I Appreciate the 2 book marks here guys

Jerking off to pictures of myself where I looked like a girl

Grandma just told me to kill myself

Waited until I was 21 to drink Rubbing Alcohol