Galactic News Agency

Sources within the Galactic Senate have revealed that recent bipartisanship is only due to benevolent corporate bribery. #politics #bribery

The Nihilist Party is running today with their "Nothing Matters" party platform, though due to a severe glitch in their messaging lists they are still encouraging people to vote.

Traffic around Rangus 2 has been slowed down due to a sentient patch of floating space alcohol. It was arrested for being over the legal limit and removed.

The Galactic News Agency is looking for personnel in the galactic area known as the "Greater Washington, DC Area" to collaborate on a new #Galactic #News #Agency #Podcast. Contact us if you are interested. #scifi #DCPodcasts #join #corporate – at Washington, DC

Sources within the Department of Paranormal Investigations have revealed that the Director of Operations has been extorting ghosts for years for inheritances and property rights in exchange for delayed exorcisms. #scandal #ghostgate

Sources within the Chronal Defense Bureau are reporting that there have been 100% more apocalypses than usual under the current Galactic Presidential administration. #news #apocalypse #time

Federation high court ruled that time-clones can be charged for crimes committed by other clones as long as they are from the same timeline.

Federation courts have agreed to hear a legal challenge to erasing personal debts when a person's consciousness is replaced. #courts #news

Chaos after a galactic timecast festival accidentally double-booked the same comedian from two points in time, causing spacetime rifts #news

Authorities are on the lookout for a rogue thermomancer who has been causing food replicators to undercook all of their items. #manhunt

In a surprising turn of events, it turns out all life has just been an elaborate prank show that is being renewed for another season.

The Galactic President condemned bio-supremacist groups after a rally turned violent and they stopped contributing to his campaign #politics

Breaking: a newly discovered civilization is suing the Federation government for invasion of privacy over being discovered.

The God of Earth is suing a spaceship foundry for using divinely enhanced alloys that infringe on his brand #metal #Earth #lawsuit #branding

The Galactic Trade Commission issues formal warning to stay away from Titanian home AIs due to reports of pro-robot-takeover brainwashing.

#Umbracon 943 has erupted into chaos after a panel on darkness-based #fanfiction turned into a prop-weapon-filled bloodbath. #conventions

Warpway 87 is closed for maintenance today after an illegal dimensional destabilizer suddenly went off mid-warp. #traffic #dimensions #warp

Sources close to Galactic Sen. Covfefe are reporting that he will introduce a bill to legalize warpway roadrage #traffic #murder #Covfefe

Galactic President Zarn Zarakus has declared all sentient life enemies of state. When asked to clarify, said, "don't worry, it's not you."