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Ian Fortey and Bigfoot Hanging Out

@IanFortey

Horror & comedy writer. Amazon & NYT best selling author. Rep'd by @VictressLit. I ghostwrite & write commission work. Just ask! https://nitter.cf/t.co/mRTLzhZY0M

 Canada
amazon.com/Ian-Fortey/e/B093ZF85M8/ref=dp_byline_cont_ebooks_1
Joined August 2009
  • Tweets91.8K
  • Following1.3K
  • Followers13.4K
8.7KMedia
Photo by Ian Fortey and Bigfoot Hanging Out (@IanFortey)Photo by Ian Fortey and Bigfoot Hanging Out (@IanFortey)Photo by Ian Fortey and Bigfoot Hanging Out (@IanFortey)Photo by Ian Fortey and Bigfoot Hanging Out (@IanFortey)Photo by Ian Fortey and Bigfoot Hanging Out (@IanFortey)Photo by Ian Fortey and Bigfoot Hanging Out (@IanFortey)Photo by Ian Fortey and Bigfoot Hanging Out (@IanFortey)Photo by Ian Fortey and Bigfoot Hanging Out (@IanFortey)Photo by Ian Fortey and Bigfoot Hanging Out (@IanFortey)Photo by Ian Fortey and Bigfoot Hanging Out (@IanFortey)
Congrats to all my American friends on the group effort to tell so many assholes to go fuck themselves.
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*on my way to vote for hot dogs*
Image from Ian Fortey and Bigfoot Hanging Out (@IanFortey)
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You guys like Clive Barker's HellFrasier?
Image from Ian Fortey and Bigfoot Hanging Out (@IanFortey)
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Remember the KISS method. Keep it Super Sticky.
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You guys wanna do some mayhem?
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Someone tried to rob the deli down the street from me but they didn't realize there was a marksmen convention in the store at the time. It was the local prosciutto group.
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Reminder.
a whale shark with a big ol, wide open, full on suck enabled mouth with the text "don't forget to call your mom"

ALT a whale shark with a big ol, wide open, full on suck enabled mouth with the text "don't forget to call your mom"

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Lest we forget...
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Please don't speak to me or my Little Caesar's spaghetti bucket ever again.
A sealed bucket of Little Caesar spaghetti that says spaghetti spaghetti on the side of it. A label on the page says it serves four or more and it's sitting next to some breadsticks. Or crazy bread, if you prefer

ALT A sealed bucket of Little Caesar spaghetti that says spaghetti spaghetti on the side of it. A label on the page says it serves four or more and it's sitting next to some breadsticks. Or crazy bread, if you prefer

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Sorry for being unavailable, I've been too busy definitely listening to some country song that Rolling Stone insists I have heard.
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The world is like a hot dog. It can get pretty sloppy, it's not always fulfilling, and it's kind of a dick.
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You guys keep tweeting, I'm just gonna play some tunes.
pan playing his flute with some foliage hiding his goat junk

ALT pan playing his flute with some foliage hiding his goat junk

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You guys, I have an extra Double Down Dog I'm not gonna finish, so if you want this drippy glizzy, hit me up.
a KFC Double Down Dog, which is a cheese(?) covered hot dog in a fried chicken filet bun, inside a KFC branded cardboard sleeve.

ALT a KFC Double Down Dog, which is a cheese(?) covered hot dog in a fried chicken filet bun, inside a KFC branded cardboard sleeve.

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Y'all shoppin' for new shirts?
a black t-shirt featuring the image of an elderly lady holding an eggplant. The text reads "call me sneeze cuz my gazoon tight."

ALT a black t-shirt featuring the image of an elderly lady holding an eggplant. The text reads "call me sneeze cuz my gazoon tight."

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I have this pin on my hat because I gotta remember where I came from.
an enamel pin featuring Canadian rapper snow that says "Informer ysdebefgsdjfgjxdneajdn a licky boom boom down"

ALT an enamel pin featuring Canadian rapper snow that says "Informer ysdebefgsdjfgjxdneajdn a licky boom boom down"

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I've got 200 horror shorts and about 400 lists and comedy articles ready to go for the Patreon so far. Also several folders I haven't even opened yet to look in. Should be lots of stuff if you're interested.
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A random sampling of files I'm editing for my Patreon.
a list of file names including how come no one likes you, how not to rob a bank, how the elderly understand the internet, how to choose the right watch, how to fight goblins, how to get a face transolant, how to impress women with your iphone, how to make love to christopher walken, how to masturbate like a man, how to pick a sex toy, how to prepare for your appearance on COPS

ALT a list of file names including how come no one likes you, how not to rob a bank, how the elderly understand the internet, how to choose the right watch, how to fight goblins, how to get a face transolant, how to impress women with your iphone, how to make love to christopher walken, how to masturbate like a man, how to pick a sex toy, how to prepare for your appearance on COPS

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If you guys remember any of my old writing from Cracked, College Humor, Holy Taco, Top Tenz, Asylum, or elsehwere and wonder if I still write... I'm in the midst of curating a new Patreon with hundreds of old articles (ones I can legally share) plus new weekly stuff. Fuck yeah!
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Comedy, listicles, weird science and history, plus a healthy dose of horror fiction. Ya know, if you're down for that.
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Do youse guys like ham?
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