Comedian/influencer. Two comedy specials and Pontillo & Associates on YouTube. Went viral twice. Meant nothing.
New Yawk
Joined July 2009
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The only thing that can heal this country or if you feel like hate-watching something for 36 minutes.
youtu.be/ByP3OKxUbIw?si=nI7M…
Guy I know: Hey! Still interested in performing in murder mysteries?
Me: Did I say that? Damn, I must have been in a really dark place at the time.
At a polling place wearing a hat that says "Politics" telling a local news reporter that I voted for everybody and I just want to see a good election.
Pretty sure no one in the history of driving cars ever said "Man, I wish this would turn off by itself when I'm at a stoplight."
Say what you want about Carlos Beltran but he is undefeated as manager.
My family 10 years ago: Why don't you go on the Tonight Show or SNL?
My family today: Why don't you go on this podcast that I occasionally listen to.
I love when stores create an elaborate maze that leads to the cash registers. It's like "Do you have what it takes to pay!?"
Omg your dog is so cute, I love how it's growling, jumping up and down and looks it somehow got a gun? Of course I'll babysit it.
Me: Thank you very much. You've been so helpful.
Customer Service: You are welcome! Would you mind taking a quick survey?
Me: Absolutely fucking not.
Every person you see melting down on the internet is fighting a battle that they completely made up in their head.
Eyy, living on Long Island baby. Complaining about taxes, watering my lawn until it's dead and then getting into car accidents.