Jonathan Tillson (@JonathanTillson) header
Jonathan Tillson (@JonathanTillson) profile picture

Stand Up Comic / Writer / Host of Unnatural Selection Podcast / Check my Comedy Special below 👇

New York, NY
Joined June 2014
Photo by Jonathan Tillson (@JonathanTillson)Photo by Jonathan Tillson (@JonathanTillson)Photo by Jonathan Tillson (@JonathanTillson)Photo by Jonathan Tillson (@JonathanTillson)Photo by Jonathan Tillson (@JonathanTillson)Photo by Jonathan Tillson (@JonathanTillson)Photo by Jonathan Tillson (@JonathanTillson)Photo by Jonathan Tillson (@JonathanTillson)Photo by Jonathan Tillson (@JonathanTillson)Photo by Jonathan Tillson (@JonathanTillson)
“Plus Size” starring @fuckcityusa
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Imagine not taking your hood down for the Pope
This morning Pope Leo XIV met Bob Dylan 📸: Vatican Media
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One of the things the data analysts on our side obsessed over was "composition"—whether the electorate looked close enough to 2024 for Republicans to win. And despite polls that showed a Democrat blowout, the data kept on telling us the same story: in some states turnout was merely OK, in other states it was downright amazing, and in no state was it catastrophic. There was a genuine sense of optimism on our team: our people were showing up. So, I asked the smartest data guy I know, does that mean we're going to shock the world? "No," he told me. "We might do better than the polls suggest. But the data is telling us that a lot of Trump/Vance 2024 voters are pissed and planning to vote for the other guys. Our voters are turning out, but they may not vote for us." Well, that looks prophetic now. Our voters did show up. In Florida, for example, the electorate was 9 points more Republican than Democrat, just a couple points worse than 2024. Undoubtedly there were places we could have done better on turnout. But the main problem is not turnout. The main problem is that many people who voted for Trump/Vance in 2024 voted for Democrats in 2026. There will be a lot of infighting and arguing over what happened and why that is. One of the pollsters I really respect told me that our economic messaging wasn’t sharp enough down the stretch. I’m sure that’s true. But the real reason we lost is obvious to almost everyone. Another pollster—one of the smartest people I know in politics, told me yesterday we’d lose the generic ballot by 13 points. I felt negative going into Tuesday, but even I was shocked by this. In his polling, he saw that a lot of Trump 2024 voters were angry and planning to vote for Democrats. He asked those voters who had abandoned us what would cause them to come back on our team. The top four answers, accounting for nearly all of the responses were: 1) End the war 2) Focus on cost of living/inflation 3) Put America First 4) Change our relationship to Israel Our voters showed up. And the above four reasons are why many of them voted for Democrats. This is according to a pollster who nailed the results. While many spent Monday attacking Rachel Campos Duffy for calling for a diplomatic resolution to the conflict, it turns out her political advice was sound. (She’s also a great person.) In the next few months, there's going to be a lot of gaslighting. Expect to hear any number of establishment politicians say the solution to our woes is amnesty. I'm open to the idea that we should change enforcement—by focusing more on businesses that hire illegal labor, for instance. But anyone pushing amnesty is lying to you. The reason we lost is the war. The president himself said so last night. If you'd like to argue it was worth it, that losing the Senate for the next 6 years was worth it, then do so. Argue it was a worthwhile cost to pay. Agree or disagree, that's at least honest. But everyone knows why we lost. And any honest conversation about where we go from here must start there. I remain hopeful about our country. To the people who are pissed off and want to say, “I told you so”: you’re right, you did tell us so. Take that energy into electing Republicans who share your worldview. To the people who are just pissed at the results, you should be. Let’s take that anger and get back to the work of saving our country.
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Every knows the Saved by the Bell reboot had at least 4 years of meat on the bone
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I don’t know when someone is too old for sunglasses but it’s probably when you start to look blind
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If nicotine is so bad how come I only get grumpy when I’m off it
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You know what sucks When someone asks where you’re from, so you say the name of your state, and they say what part, so you say an area, and they say what’s the town, so you say the town, and they say never heard of it That sucks
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“….but enough about my ex wife”
Mysterious 'humanoid predator' lurking near US border could be from another dimension, UFO investigator claims trib.al/n7kZ6Rn
Readers added context they thought people might want to know
Jaime Maussan claims of a mysterious 'humanoid predator' near Juárez lack any official confirmation; local authorities report no incidents or attacks. Maussan has promoted prior hoaxes including debunked 'alien' mummies assembled from bones and glue. laopcion.com.mx/juarez/descart… en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jaime_Mau… elpasotimes.com/story/news/loc… dailymail.com/sciencetech/ar…
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“….has last laugh while panting in the sun during unemployment”
Ex White House press secretary Katie Zacharia has last laugh as she's spotted working out in sunny SoCal trib.al/K2n7q73
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Well then nothing is real anymore
The iconic Bigfoot video from 1967 is officially confirmed to be a hoax after new archival footage was found for an upcoming documentary. (Source: variety.com/2026/film/review…)
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Scaramucci rn
President Donald Trump has fired Katie Zacharia as press secretary, advisers to the president said, ending her turbulent week-long stint as the White House's top spokesperson. cnn.it/3VPdpAE
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This reminds me of the time OJ Simpson came out against Winona Ryder for shoplifting
Casey Anthony Appears to Sound Off on Shane Gillis Following 'SNL' Monologue, Tells Men to 'Do Better'
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Eww
Hilary Swank, 52, announces she’s pregnant with baby No. 3 trib.al/fF6zig2
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This person is supposed to be drinking martinis and hate-texting her kids
JUST IN: Trump administration announces Barbera Thornhill has joined the State Department to lead U.S. efforts against human trafficking.
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Kelly….put the knife down and step away….
Cool, cool. Sure, it wasn’t for sale. That’s the narrative Art of Play is gonna go with 👍 so the whole conversation we had when I asked you if it was for sale whilst pointing to the price tag hanging on the wall with the title Singing Bird didn’t happen as you elevator eyed me saying in a condescending tone “yes, it’s for sale but it costs 15,000 dollars so if you’d like me to find something comparable for you I can.” That all never happened and now it’s not for sale. Okay, cool. So you’re not only rude, you’re also a liar. Got it ✅ And by the way, I obviously support small businesses because I was literally at a small business trying to purchase things. I love small businesses and know they are important and I always support them, but you don’t get a free pass to treat people less than in your store just because you are a small business. It’s not that hard to be kind. I never blast people but you my friend were an exception. Your store is really cool. Unfortunately, you aren’t.
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“I’m just hope the Jets win before I’m too old to buy a jersey” said the 54 yr old man
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The power of prayer
Young teenagers are less likely to identify as lesbian, gay or bisexual than a few years ago, according to a new analysis. “It really does look like a free fall,” Jean Twenge, a professor of psychology, said. “But what’s causing it is unclear.” wapo.st/4dtMSyQ
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You know once you get past the creator and the cast (except for Lovitz), it’s not a bad concept
Roseanne Barr has quietly filmed a new sitcom with Randy Quaid, Drea de Matteo, Jon Lovitz, Tony Hinchcliffe, and more about “a mixed-race family of preppers.” Titled Meemaw: A Modern Day Fable, the series follows their quest to throw the “most fantastic bat mitzvah Texas has ever seen.” consequence.net/2026/10/rose…
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I feel bad for men without sisters How would you ever know when a celebrity dies?
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