Justin

NYers looking at #tinyhouse : “wow, that kitchen is huge”

Selling t-shirts that say “Slap Me I’m Funny”

Every time I watch a movie or show, I think to myself “what can I find in this to take away all of the enjoyment”.

Gilded Age Old Ladies. Hipsters. 🤝 Stupid Bangs

Had a dream where my phone died, I was forced to get a flip phone and then I was happy. My subconscious mind is fighting back, but my conscious mind was just like “Tweet this and show us who’s boss”.

I like to use one pinch of turmeric every 5 years and prominently display the spice jar to show off my worldly palate.

Just posted a photo instagram.com/p/CZLMh7EAQfx/…

Two years into this and when I put on jeans my wife asks “why are you so dressed up?”

Can the kids make Russel Athletic popular this year? I’d like to have been ahead of my time in elementary school.

Why am I so addicted to watching reels of people steam cleaning dirty old teddy bears?

Mixed nuts recipe according to all nut companies: 1 pecan, 3 cashews, 1/4 macadamia, fill rest of container with almonds.

Pickleball or Fat Tennis?

Can the auto correct people get to work on correcting the use of their, there, they’re, your, and you’re and stop me from looking like a dumbass?

In Washington Square park and I’ve seen 4 mullets, wtf is happening.

Big Box space travel is dead #BlueOrigin

“I’ll sleep when I’m dead” - a parent with a dream

Did everyone else also make enough food for a party they aren’t having?

Trump farewell playing journey like it’s the end of a frat party.

You’re telling me all I needed to do to get off social media was incite a violent mob?

I’m just hoping they ban all politicians and world leaders from Twitter.