Jim Calhoun says his definition of hard coaching is to tell them the ugly truth and then be there for them when basketball is gone “They told me things I didn’t know. Things I might have said to them that helped change things. Things I might have kicked their butt about. Don’t you bring your butt back into this gym until you understand it’s you that’s messed you up. Do you understand me? It’s you that’s screwing this whole deal up.” “I’m here for you. I’ll be here for you now. But as soon as that ball stops dribbling, ain’t gonna be nobody there for you. It’s a whole new game, man. It might be love. It might be a different kind of expression of love.” “But you’ve got to be there for them. It’s easy to come and say, ‘Hey, you’re wonderful. You’re great.’ But, man, you’ve got to understand, you’re messed up. You’re screwing this whole deal up for no goddamn reason except your own.’” “I found out you could open people’s ears. You come over to the sideline… First thing I say is, ‘You know what? You’re one of the greatest players I’ve ever coached.’ Your ears are out here someplace.” “Instead of, ‘You lazy son of a gun.’ Then your ears listen. Then you say, ‘You’re lazy.’ I found out when people hear kind of what they want to hear, then the message comes afterwards.” “I want to tell them they are special. But you screw up too. When I say I’m going to coach you, I take it seriously.”