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One summer I brought up my parents moving in with us and it turned into a heated argument. I was trying to get my mom to make a plan for potential illness or injury. I asked, “what’s the plan if you fall and break your hip?” She said that wasn’t going to happen, asked why I was picking a fight and was in no way going to consider leaving the home and community they had lived in for 40+ years. I kid you not 2 months later I got a phone call. My mom had fallen and broke her hip. My dad needed full time care due to his cancer recovery. Same day I hoped on a plane and flew across the country to deal with it. This was the 4th time I had to drop everything and fly out for an emergency in 2 years. When my mom was discharged I sat down with my parents and said, “Your decisions are making me choose between you and my children. You have lived wonderful full lives, they have not. They need their mom with them. The next time I hop on a plane in an emergency to take care of you two, it’s to bring you back with me. If you want to stay here, then you’re going into a full time care facility. Expecting that your children to take care of you at the expense of your grandchildren because you don’t want to leave San Diego at the age of 80 isn’t right.” They hadn’t thought of it that way. They were apologetic, and much more open to discussing the home they’d move into if they didn’t move in with me. I’m sharing because recently I’ve seen many posts from others in similar situations, and thought maybe this line of conversation may help. They don’t mind making their own kids lives harder but hurting their grandkids? That they care about.