Anissa Graham

Chaos. Complete Disorder and Confusion. This is your life when you welcome a puppy into your house. There will be days you will be exhausted from laughing, crying, and trying to keep the adorable monster alive. This is the story of a Golden Retriever puppy named Beaker. In 2020, we were absolutely looking at getting a second dog as a companion for Bunsen, our Bernese Mountain Dog, but it was planned for the summer when we weren't teaching. There were times we ALMOST got a puppy, or a rescue, but we had to be realistic. Teaching is a BUSY job and during the school year it wouldn’t be fair to bring a new animal into our house that would need constant attention. As luck may have it, I was forwarded a contact of a family that had a litter of puppies. So within a couple months, Beaker was brought home. Firstly, Beaker and Bunsen were totally different puppies. Bunsen was a little bear that wanted to please us from day one. He potty trained in literally one week. He didn’t chew many things, and after playing, slept for hours. Aside from losing his mind in his crate which he rolled around like a giant cursed hamster ball, Bunsen was a dream puppy. Beaker was a pinball of energy, teeth, pee, poop, and reckless abandon. Beaker bit and chewed everything. All of our furniture has little bite marks on them. She would go from this little adorable floppy thing into a shark monster out for blood in seconds. If you took your eye off of her, even for a moment, a part of your body had a chunk missing. Yes, we tried to stop her, but puppies warp the very fabric of space-time and will move at angles and speeds not within the realm of physics. It’s like trying to catch a greased pig if the air was made of soup and the ground made of jello and you had 3 beer in you. Beaker was also harder to potty train. We trained her with potty bells like Bunsen. If you aren’t familiar, when the puppy hits the bells, it was time to take them out to pee. Bunsen picked it up and would waddle over to the bells and smack them with his oven mitt puppy paws. Beaker did too. Smart right? Genius training method. Wrong. Beaker figured out that going outside was amazing. So she associated going outside with hitting the bells. She would also just drink water constantly so she had to pee constantly and thus be outside constantly. We had to move and hide the dog water or Beaker would go for a “refill.” Beaker was also fearless. Nothing in her world was dangerous to her. Beaker would charge Bunsen, our legs, doors, light, other pets, walls and jump attack them. She would climb up on the couch and Macho Man Randy Savage OOOOH YEAH elbow drop on sleeping Bunsen. This made her a tiny suicide machine that we had to watch like a hawk so she didn't kill herself. Impossibility, this activity didn’t make Beaker tired. Beaker fought sleep. The world was just too much fun and why miss any of it sleeping? I read somewhere that puppies sleep like 18 hours a day. I’m positive that puppy Beaker slept less than adult Bunsen. Kris and I took turns like new parents with a baby human. Luckily we had practice being a tag team for a tiny creature with our boys, but baby humans don’t piranha attack you until they are like two or something. I had never been so tired in my entire life. It was a GOOD tired though. Puppy Beaker was a TON of work, but was also SO freaking fun. Through all of this biting and peeing and nonsense, the little puppy grew up into this wonderful, affectionate, adorable Golden Retriever. Beaker is a HUGE hit when we go to events with her OR to my school, as she loves each and every child as much as the last. A puppy is disordered, happy confusion. Sometimes your life is made better by an agent of chaos. Puppy Beaker made our lives infinity more fun, tired, and yes, so much better. #dogs