@MantReturnsi
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Parody account. Commentary account. Please be patient I have autism. More Brythonic than Anglo.
Greggs HQ
Joined August 2025
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Ciaphas Cain retweeted
A Jewish woman in an English paper calling a staple English dish terrible because it doesn't fit her Jewish Sabbath.
Need I say more.
Expensive, time-consuming and unhealthy, our sabbath diet needs an overhaul
🔗 telegraph.co.uk/news/2026/09…
Ciaphas Cain retweeted
Shut up, you smug Canadian chink.
All Sunak achieved was bankrupting the country by semi-nationalising the takeaway industry and doing more to wipe out the Conservative Party than any member of the Labour Party ever tried.
That American loser has done more for me than either of you two rice munchers have.
unavailable
Ciaphas Cain retweeted
And yet somehow this applies to the Irish and the Eastern Europeans but not the Turks or Mongolians
Ciaphas Cain retweeted
If they will intentionally harm their own children to advance their cause, imagine what they’ll do to YOUR children.
Woke NYT, 1619 Project writer deliberately sent daughter to troubled schools as a 'sacrifice' - and it backfired spectacularly trib.al/68LXBWJ
Ciaphas Cain retweeted
They keep repeating this an I'm just thinking, if current year Yookay is a success I'd really hate to see what failure looks like.
I was a very fortunate kid. My dad's GP surgery sat between the Dell and Hampshire's County Ground, so at weekends I could go to a game and get a lift home afterwards. It left me with a passion for both sports and a belief that sport opens a window onto who we are.
When I was growing up, the Tebbit test was a matter of intense debate. Which side did you cheer for at the cricket? For all the criticism it received, it was a test anyone could pass. If you supported England because you saw it as home, you were part of the team regardless of the colour of your skin. Born in Southampton, 10 year old me passed it without even knowing about it.
Giving the @MCCOfficial's Cowdrey Lecture on Thursday made me think about cricket's place in our national life and the current arguments about identity.
In Britain we've built the world's most successful multi-faith, multi-ethnic democracy. I was a beneficiary of it. Whatever issues people had with me as PM (and there was no shortage) my race and religion weren't among them. I could read a lesson at the King's coronation or light Diwali diyas on Downing Street with my daughters without controversy. Foreign leaders assumed these must be huge symbolic moments. For most Brits, they just weren't that big a deal.
But Britain's democratic achievement is now under strain. Some of the challenges are ones I've written about before, like Islamism, and the failure of governments, including the one I led, to adequately control immigration. But something else is going on - a risk that we start equating skin colour with nationality.
After I left office, a debate kicked off here on @X about whether I was English at all, because I was a "brown Hindu". During the election campaign I'd been shocked when footage was broadcast of someone calling me a "Paki." It was shocking precisely because it was so unusual. That kind of abuse had simply not been a feature of my political life. But the Englishness argument was stranger still. Call it the reverse Tebbit test. If you're not white, it no longer matters who you support at the cricket, because you can never be English. It's a test no non-white person can ever pass.
I have no truck with people who offend our sense of fairness and come here illegally; I spent half my premiership trying to deport them to Rwanda. I think the bar for legal migration should be high. It is entirely possible to want a radical reduction in immigration and a far more robust approach to integration, and still totally reject the attempt to turn Britishness into a DNA test.
If you're born and brought up in England and view it as home, what are you other than English? Denying people their Englishness or their Britishness because of the colour of their skin is a recipe for alienation and a two-tier society. How are children who hear this meant to feel?
Sport can play a small but significant role here. Cricket is played by nearly every major ethnic group in this country. Ask what my largely white rural constituents in the Dales and the British-Asian kids in Bradford have in common, and the answer is cricket. If cricket can produce England teams in which every kid can see themselves, the impact reaches far beyond the boundary.
As I write in @thetimes today, we must all be on the same side, cheering for the same team.
We cannot allow race to be reintroduced into our politics. We cannot allow Briton to be set against Briton.
Hehe
Replying to @alwaysadblock
DNA tests where people realize Irish = northern Irish = English & Scottish
Ciaphas Cain retweeted
Every time Kevin says something daft his nanny slaps his forehead. As you can see, it’s had a devastating impact on his fringe.
Ciaphas Cain retweeted
“What would you do if you got elected to Congress, Lauren?”
Lauren Boebert:
🚨#BREAKING: Rep. Lauren Boebert is accused in a sworn House ethics complaint of having lesbian affairs with 2 female staffers under her supervision.
Ciaphas Cain retweeted
"In Britain we've built the world's most successful multi-faith, multi-ethnic democracy"
I was a very fortunate kid. My dad's GP surgery sat between the Dell and Hampshire's County Ground, so at weekends I could go to a game and get a lift home afterwards. It left me with a passion for both sports and a belief that sport opens a window onto who we are.
When I was growing up, the Tebbit test was a matter of intense debate. Which side did you cheer for at the cricket? For all the criticism it received, it was a test anyone could pass. If you supported England because you saw it as home, you were part of the team regardless of the colour of your skin. Born in Southampton, 10 year old me passed it without even knowing about it.
Giving the @MCCOfficial's Cowdrey Lecture on Thursday made me think about cricket's place in our national life and the current arguments about identity.
In Britain we've built the world's most successful multi-faith, multi-ethnic democracy. I was a beneficiary of it. Whatever issues people had with me as PM (and there was no shortage) my race and religion weren't among them. I could read a lesson at the King's coronation or light Diwali diyas on Downing Street with my daughters without controversy. Foreign leaders assumed these must be huge symbolic moments. For most Brits, they just weren't that big a deal.
But Britain's democratic achievement is now under strain. Some of the challenges are ones I've written about before, like Islamism, and the failure of governments, including the one I led, to adequately control immigration. But something else is going on - a risk that we start equating skin colour with nationality.
After I left office, a debate kicked off here on @X about whether I was English at all, because I was a "brown Hindu". During the election campaign I'd been shocked when footage was broadcast of someone calling me a "Paki." It was shocking precisely because it was so unusual. That kind of abuse had simply not been a feature of my political life. But the Englishness argument was stranger still. Call it the reverse Tebbit test. If you're not white, it no longer matters who you support at the cricket, because you can never be English. It's a test no non-white person can ever pass.
I have no truck with people who offend our sense of fairness and come here illegally; I spent half my premiership trying to deport them to Rwanda. I think the bar for legal migration should be high. It is entirely possible to want a radical reduction in immigration and a far more robust approach to integration, and still totally reject the attempt to turn Britishness into a DNA test.
If you're born and brought up in England and view it as home, what are you other than English? Denying people their Englishness or their Britishness because of the colour of their skin is a recipe for alienation and a two-tier society. How are children who hear this meant to feel?
Sport can play a small but significant role here. Cricket is played by nearly every major ethnic group in this country. Ask what my largely white rural constituents in the Dales and the British-Asian kids in Bradford have in common, and the answer is cricket. If cricket can produce England teams in which every kid can see themselves, the impact reaches far beyond the boundary.
As I write in @thetimes today, we must all be on the same side, cheering for the same team.
We cannot allow race to be reintroduced into our politics. We cannot allow Briton to be set against Briton.
Ciaphas Cain retweeted
Nothing says I am English like having African-Indian parents, getting married to an Indian billionaires daughter, who claimed non-dom status rather than renounce her citizenship, overseeing the largest influx of Indian immigration in a single year and being celebrated in India as the first Indian to become PM.
Ciaphas Cain retweeted
I've been saying it for a while now, Dead Internet Theory is wrong and 90% of what people think is bots is actually 3rd worlders.
Ciaphas Cain retweeted
“Sorry we bombed your cousin's wedding, would you like to come live here and deliver McDonalds for us?”