Modern 🇮🇱 Talmud

Congregant: Rabbi, I have a strong desire to live forever. What should I do? Rabbi: Join Twitter. Congregant: And will I live forever? Rabbi: No, but the desire will disappear.

How does this even happen 😂

Who was the smartest man in the Torah? Abraham. He knew a Lot.

Classic joke: How do you make a small fortune in Israel? Start with a large one.

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Politicians are the only people who can spend years doing nothing and then ask for more years to finish the job

Seems like the election in Israel was completely fair, and all parties cheated equally.

El-Sayed political ad

Me when Mandy Patinkin simps for another Jew hater

Metamonides

Islamist politicians

I asked my shidduch date to meet me at the gym but she never showed up. I guess the two of us aren't going to work out.

Release the lions 🦁

Avram to his wife Sarai: Quick, pretend like you’re my sister Ilhan Omar’s brother to Ilhan: Quick, pretend like you’re my wife

Rabbi: Were you the one who ate all the cholent? Me: Not to my knowledge

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People need to stop sending me ads in the mail. I don’t want to see a band called Shul Membership Dues, no matter how “outstanding” they are.

Hard pass

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