Narrated President

The President of the United States announces he’s making a deal with Belarus to buy a commodity that has become prohibitively expensive due to his tariffs. The President of Belarus hears about it on social media and feels forced to explain that this plan is a hallucination.

Dear Brian: We expect the President will issue a second EA to rename the Province of Ontario. Yours sincerely, —ed

The President of the United States renames the Great Lake after which Canada's largest province is named.

The President of the United States declares that he is placing a tariff on fentanyl imports.

The President of the United States is displeased with Canada for threatening tariffs.

The President of the United States publishes a lengthy diatribe of Wayne Gretzky apologism.

The President of the United States tweets out his plan to ethnically cleanse Gaza.

The President of the United States is pleased with tobi, a prominent Canadian who, for rhetorical purposes, pretends that the President didn't unilaterally cause the current tariff crisis.

The President of the United States is displeased with Canada.

The President of the United States tweets a screenshot of an economically illiterate screed that he posted on his favorite social network.

The President of the United States wonders why the helicopter didn’t go up, or possibly down.

An infamous grifter is inaugurated once again as the 47th President of the United States.

The President-elect of the United States promotes a shitcoin.

The President-elect of the United States retweets a grift from his large adult son.

The President-elect of the United States attempts to sell a meme.

The President-elect of the United States brokers a peace deal.

The President-elect of the United States condemns Obama for not invading Syria, and proclaims that the United States should not be involved in the Syrian War.

The President-elect of the United States goes over to his favorite microblogging platform to announce a controversial new tariff policy.

The President-elect of the United States nominates a fuck ton of incompetents to his administration.

The President of the United States fucks off.