James Maxwell 🔪 Witching Metal Prod.

Notes From a Dead Man by Kenneth M Gray / @KennethMGRAY2 First published in Micro Mayhem v1 curated by @NathanBorn2010 . Most writers have a muse. I have a haunted typewriter. I picked it up at an estate sale for Charles Wangford, the deceased crime novelist and all-around pain in the ass. He wrote the Jake Rattle novels A New Way to Die, Comb-Over Corpse, and Death by Haiku, and he is one angry dead writer. I read somewhere that he was pretty pissed off when he was alive too. I think he misses the booze and fighting with his critics. He probably misses touching stuff, too. I’ve been meaning to ask him, how does a ghost choke the chicken? Do they still feel the urge? Yeah, probably better not to know. Oh, and he despises adverbs and being called Chuck. I’m Kevin Murkle, a struggling writer currently working on my Tank Bronson private eye novella. Working title: Violent Zen. Chapter Six: Tank Bronson spinning drop-kicked the door off its hinges and grabbing the thug by the throat and ferociously throttling him in the face until he succumbed to the macho power that is Tank Bronson. The room grew chilly, and the stale smell of cigarettes and whiskey hung in the air. “What’s up, Chuck?” I said, knowing it would rankle his ghosty ass. “Jesus H. Hemingway!—ferociously throttling—in the face?—succumbed? What the hell is a spinning dropkick?" The room got colder. “What did I tell you about goddamn adverbs? Adverbs are crack for lazy writers. Your prose is so purple it woke Prince from his grave.” I knew I was in for a tirade. “Your tense is out of control! You went from the past to the present and back again more times than Marty McFly.” If it gets any colder in here, I’m going to need a sweater. “It’s neo-noir-street-punk, Chuck. Any notes so far?” I knew he was incorporeal, but I swear I felt his bushy mustache on my ear. “It’s absolute horse shit. Lots of violence and little Zen, and FYI—real men don't write novellas.” . X- @KennethMGRAY2   Instagram- @graykennethm   bluesky-@kennethmgray . bsky . social Stay tuned for more Critiques From a Dead Man, coming soon!