Rebekah Orphan 🇺🇦✒️📚

So my cat just flicked some spit on my lip, and if that was someone's human child I would literally vomit, but she's my soft baby girl, so I just wipe it off.

Do the Germans have a word for the satisfaction of forwarding an email of an outstanding request to the person who complained that you hadn't followed up? It feels like they would.

Bask in the chocolate perfection 👌

I'm on my ninth Christmas film involving a widower and a local bed and breakfast on its last legs and it's not even December. I'll let you know if the big event planned for Christmas Eve saves the day.

Recruiters are like, we looooove, you, you're so talented, you're toooo talented, but the job, no, you can't have that.

Cats are priceless. A 90m round trip and a £60 vet fee for and official diagnosis that she is a drama queen, however...

History students of the future are gonna need a rhyme to remember all this.

Nadine Dorries is crying right now.

Let's be clear: Boris Johnson will not declare himself UNLESS he gets the numbers. He's playing the glory of being "wanted", letting the risk entirely stand on his backers.

The Lettuce now continues to the next round, where we await the results of Putin vs Celery. #lettuceWatch

For anyone stressed out by UK politics right now, here is a pile of cats I found in a chair in Albania. #CatsOfTwitter #trussterfuck

It's our fifteenth anniversary, and what better way to celebrate than me finding my husband's sunglasses in a place he'd already searched twice.

I don't know who runs the Canal and River Trusts social media, but they seem to have identified me as their ideal target market for ads, and guys, I'm broke and lazy.

Turning on the waterworks really does work. It'll get you anything from anxiety medication to sympathetic treatment at the dentist 😂😂😂 It's almost worth the punishing meds withdrawal symptoms.

The way things are going, I feel like all those survival skills Ray Mears taught us in the nineties are going to start paying off at last.

Our boy cat asks for food he doesn't want for our girl cat and that's what you should be looking for in a relationship.

If you ever feel bad at adulting, my husband and I just spent ten weeks doing the dishes because we thought that changing the fuse in the dishwasher plug would be a much bigger deal than it was.

Men's t shirts should not be this much of a better fit than women's. The extra shoulder space is so useful for boobs.

Employers who demand that you lie up front about how much you adore their mere existence set the relationship off on a bad foot. Like, you MADE me say it. Being good at the skills you need not enough? That's on you.

Does anyone know how to switch life off from Difficult Mode? I feel like I've flipped a switch this week 😂