Urbs Everyday

I don’t care how long I live in the suburbs. I’ll never respect a grocery store parking lot scooter cop.

Even Joe’s tie is on peptides #UFCFreedom250

Somebody tell @steveo to tell @danawhite that #ufc234 on @paramount that the thumbnails give away the winners of the fights

There should be a service that matches you up with an Erykah Badu type and she speaks straight life into your bum ass existence

A cold bowl of cereal is the certification stamp on a great night.

Spanish McGregor #UFC308

Kinda rude there’s no place I can get a quick lap dance before work in the morning.

The amount of stab wound strippers and cocaine that’s about to get tossed into the ocean is going to be unreal.

I be tryin to make jokes on here but there’s so much tittie meat. I get distr..

At this point I don’t know if I’m doing comedy to sell merch or selling merch to do comedy.

Some of y’all wouldn’t recognize the comedic spirit even if it came on your face.

You: Heard your cashapp ding. Me: Patiently waiting to hear what a good boy I’ve been lately.

I know I’m a degenerate cuz when Fat Bottomed Girls comes on in the cafeteria at my Uber professional job I sing a little bit of the chorus.

You nasty for pulling it apart like that.

You ever heard somebody sneeze from the privacy of their own house? Some of the most violent shit ever.

I really be tryin to write jokes and entertain y’all but it’s too much titties on this app. This is praise. Not a complaint.

2024: Does anyone know if she makes VR content?

If you ever see a cat in the strip club parking lot then you’re in the right place. Enjoy that lap dance buddy.

I can’t stop I’m Dough Boy mixed with the Cheddar. I won’t stop. Dick shot. Stomach punch for that leather. Rhyme Dailey.

As a member of the biracial delegation I have to let me fellow black people know. My fellow white people are onto something with the heavy edible use and country music combo.

Don’t approach me asking for spare change. Approach me and ask for snack money. A dime has never changed my circumstance but I know what it’s like to ‘just need a snack’ real real bad.