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RunwayDan (@RunwayDan) profile picture

RunwayDan

@RunwayDan

Behold my many, many rules for interacting with me.

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Joined November 2013
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Photo by RunwayDan (@RunwayDan)Photo by RunwayDan (@RunwayDan)Photo by RunwayDan (@RunwayDan)Photo by RunwayDan (@RunwayDan)Photo by RunwayDan (@RunwayDan)Photo by RunwayDan (@RunwayDan)Photo by RunwayDan (@RunwayDan)Photo by RunwayDan (@RunwayDan)Photo by RunwayDan (@RunwayDan)Photo by RunwayDan (@RunwayDan)
And then the little dog would say "yo quiero Taco Bell" and we would all laugh and laugh. It was a simpler time.
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There's "out of his league," and then there's me. And yet here we are, 35 years later. Happy anniversary, Kathleen.
Image from RunwayDan (@RunwayDan)
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I witnessed neither tricks nor treats and declare Halloween forever dead.
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Maybe your baby is crying because you keep calling him a little man but won’t let him stand in the driveway and discuss drainage.
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The judge sentenced me to 3 years of bangs
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Sigourney Weaver is Ripley in Alien (1979). If I was on a ship in space & there was an alien on board, I’d do exactly what she did: try to save my cat.
Image from Jenny Doesnt Know (@HighlyIngenious)
Image from Jenny Doesnt Know (@HighlyIngenious)
Image from Jenny Doesnt Know (@HighlyIngenious)
Image from Jenny Doesnt Know (@HighlyIngenious)
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I set my clocks back to August 31, 1939 so I can stop WWII
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I know my flossing will never meet your expectations you condescending bitch hygienist with the big boobs btw those shoes are really cute
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RunwayDan retweeted
Kip Conlon (@kipconlon) profile picture
Kip Conlon@kipconlonOct 31
Like Watson and Sherlock Holmes, I ignored my friend’s cocaine addiction.
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It was a happy accident, like the discovery of penicillin, or when you got your chocolate in my peanut butter, and I got my peanut butter in your chocolate.
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I find funny women really attractive. But I also find attractive women really funny. I think I have some kind of neurological disorder.
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Enjoy life’s rare moments like meeting someone named Bartholomew.
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First 20 minutes driving through farm country: "Isn't this pretty?" Next 3 hours: *can't remember a life before corn*
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Here’s a fun thing to do: During the movie trailers, turn to the stranger sitting next to you and whisper “We should really go see that together”.
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All drugs are edibles if’n ya eat ‘em.
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[Me as an empath] Being on fire looks painful
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Raccoons are *this* close to domesticity, and the first thing they’re gonna want are cute hats.
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This is what they’ve taken from us. Cc: @Bob_Janke
Danny Deraney (@DannyDeraney) profile pictureDanny Deraney
@DannyDeraneyOct 29
50 Years ago today, The Greatest Halloween Special ever premiered. The Paul Lynde Lynde Halloween Special.
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Giving out pencils on Halloween because learning is never scary
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RunwayDan retweeted
Dreamer (@ElgatoEsmio) profile picture
Dreamer@ElgatoEsmioOct 17
You’re not alone. Do not feel ashamed. Growing up we all made Barbies make out
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Not sure what answer my boss was looking for when he asked why the report he asked for wasn't done, but based on his expression it definitely wasn't "I assumed I'd dreamed that."
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