Jess

I just love seeing the worst people I know having the worst night of their life.

I wish Charlie Kirk could see this.

I can’t explain this but I feel like Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce never had an actual conversation.

I'm surprised Trump hasn't invited the Cornell 7 to the Whitehouse for McDonald's yet.

I’m not rich enough to be a philanthropist but uploading restaurant menus to Google Maps wherever I go is my contribution to society.

Perez Hilton bullied Britney Spears and Amanda Bynes into full blown public mental breakdown back in the 2000‘s so yeah my symphathy for his own is at a bare minimum

Back in my days we didn’t have Ozempic, just cigarettes and coffee on an empty stomach until 3 pm

I miss those weeks in 2020 where it was illegal to come near me.

When I hear my husband saying „..and ill bring my wife so she can meet your wife“

Here to report that nine years in I kept my promise. Still a hoe tho.

Telling my kids this is the World Cup trophy

I have been a fan of Erling Haaland all my life (2 Games) and now that he‘s out of the WC I have no other choice than to support his wonderful husband, Jude.

What Englands backline will see today if they miss a pass.

A thousand years ago, this was the last thing you saw before you got your skull cracked open by an axe.

Do we have 5000% tariffs on waffles yet?

My son told the doctor that carrots are his favorite food. Never saw that guy eat a single carrot in his life. Proud mom moment.

I think Taylor Swift should book SeaWorld for her water birth.