We pat your groin. We see you naked. We're the doormen to the sky. Why? Because everybody is a terrorist.
London/France/Your Underpants
Joined November 2010
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Now that she is available, TSA is pleased to extend an offer to @virginiafoxx to be our Head of Children's Outreach.
Under orders from our new masters in Congress, TSA is increasing the scanner intensity to "super gay" levels. Republicans, please hug your wife, kids, and mistresses before entering.
.@KenPaxtonTX We heard you like dem big ol titties: tsa.gov/about/careers
It's kind of reassuring to know that whatever happens in the midterms we're gonna be there the next day all up in your naughty bits.
We're America's stability.
UPDATE: @DineshDSouza banned from TSA after attempting to lift other people's children in what he called "an impressive display of masculinity."
No fatties.
No flat fannies.
No stinkos.
No prudes.
No gimps.
No safe words
— JUST FREAKS DTF AT TSA.
TRAVEL ADVISORY: All communists will be subjected to additional freedom pats EXCEPT those coming from 'good' communists places like North Korea and Russia. So uh...just self-declare cause none of this makes any fucking sense.
We applaud @SenEricSchmitt for the same investigative rigor we apply to the "Whose dildo is this?" question.
Senator Schmitty, you will always have a job with us.
We are proud to announce that, effective immediately, we are banning FART MACHINE @REALALEXJONES due to incredible ass stench at security. Thank you for your attention to this matter! Agent SMITH c/o TSA.
Folks this is honestly the best part of post 9/11 air travel. Regular folks will absolutely band together to fuck you up for anti-social behavior in the flying tin cans.
BREAKING: TSA ASSISTS IN THE APPREHENSION OF NOTORIOUS FUGITIVE @NERO, WHO WAS CLEVERLY DISGUISED AS A STRAIGHT MAN.
