TrashPanda Blue

“Help: This Post Contains Negative Emotions” Hello everyone, I’m BearTouma. I’m sorry it’s been so long since my last update, and I don’t know when I’ll be able to post again. I just wanted to share a little about what’s been going on in my life—how I’ve slowly driven myself to the brink of despair through my own stupidity. I currently suffer from severe depression. In 2024, I was betrayed by two friends I’d known for ten years; my mother’s indifference toward my condition, coupled with the revelation that she had never actually wanted to give birth to me; I’ve been hospitalized countless times due to my illness. I used to do the work I loved most, but depression has made me afraid of drawing. Recently, unable to afford medical expenses, I’ve even resorted to selling some of my cherished childhood collectibles—antique toys that are now quite valuable. I feel like I’m slowly turning into a walking corpse who draws only to keep myself “barely alive.” As my condition worsened, I even took out a loan without consulting my family or friends, just to seek treatment at a better private psychiatric facility, thinking that no matter what, I had to get better as soon as possible—I wanted to go back to being the person I was before 2024. But it seems my fate is destined to end this way. A few days ago, I listed a vintage stuffed doll—worth 3,000 Hong Kong dollars that had been with me for over a decade—for sale on eBay, but it went missing during shipping. Right now, I’m completely desperate. The memories tied to that doll, and the medical and living expenses I was able to cover thanks to its sacrifice—it’s all gone. I’ve tried asking my family for help, but my mother refuses to believe I have a mental illness. My father, despite knowing I have medical needs, lent a sum of money from our household to other relatives; because of this, my mother frequently argues with my father and takes her frustration out on me. I know this is the outcome of my own stupidity. It’s shameless and humiliating. I’ve even thought about ending it all, but I don’t have the courage—and I refuse to accept this fate. I want to keep living. If any friends are willing to help me, I will do my absolute best to repay your kindness and show my gratitude. Please consider subscribing to my Patreon or donating to my Kofi. I am deeply grateful to anyone willing to offer support. ko-fi.com/beartouma_0517 patreon.com/c/BearTouma_0517