Get on this app and let the troll spirit possess you. You'll feel like MJ in his prime.

Arman Tsarukyan has superstar written all over him. Give him the title shot already.

I missed the gym for two days, and forgot to take my creatine. At this point I might as well cheat on my diet or my girl, whichever makes me feel less guilty.

People are scared of death when they should be scared of living to 84 and still replying-all to work emails.

They say you appreciate things when they're gone. The elevator was down. I had to walk up seven floors. That's when I realized I love elevators. To every elevator I've ever entered without saying thank you, I'm sorry. I love you. I was too comfortable to understand what we had.

The weather is hot as sweaty balls. Humidity through the roof. I wake up early to go to work, and what do I find? FOG?? How is that even possible? Global warming is going too far... and summer has overstayed its welcome.

My neighbor's dog has been barking every night. I believe negotiations have failed.

Lu Bu?

I understand that they use a branch of Grok to handle the stuff at Twitter, but they gotta change the module a bit If you ask Grok today's date, it takes 10 seconds to confirm it across 5 website It's more focused on not being wrong and less efficient in high volume situations.

This is who god of war Laufey think she is

What type of haircut is this?? It's frying me😭

Talking about robots and the global economy like he is Elon Musk or something.

Removed the facial hair and turned him into an angel

初次约会，吃完饭她问我生日和出生时间。 我告诉她后，她输进手机：“噫，太阳双子，月亮狮子。自负、感情疏离，还很难被拿下。” 我愣了。不是因为她说得对，而是——“很难被拿下”？你想按倒我干吗？ 见我不说话，她起身走了。 就这样，我发现连占星术都能不了解我就在背后说我坏话。 妈的，我讨厌占星。

凌晨4点半，我去一家24小时面包店买面包。 店员说面包3点就卖完了，面包师半夜做完就回家睡觉了。 我问：“卖完了为什么不叫他们回来再做？面包店不就靠卖面包赚钱吗？” 他喝了口茶，淡定地说：“店开着不代表有面包。你裤子的口袋不也一直开着吗？里面一直有钱吗？” 我听完只能夹着尾巴默默离开。

He looks like someone who would serve the main character tea in a Chinese movie.

What ChatGPT thinks I look like based on my personality.

Unrelated. But look how much more Chinese can express within the 280 character limit. Shit is unfair. I might need to start tweeting my stuff in Chinese ngl.

Jane?