Building Fernsage (a digital commonplace book) and writing weekly newsletters for hands-on dads
Singapore
Joined March 2013
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Give them the chance to struggle
When our son couldn’t raise his head at three months old, his pediatrician told my wife and me about an 18-month-old baby who couldn’t roll herself over.
Her pediatrician couldn’t find...
alfredlua.com/give-them-the-…
We are only mortal
Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius and his wife Faustina had at least 13 children. But fewer than half lived to adulthood. To remind himself not to take time for granted, he wrote:
“Epictetus used to say that, as you...
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Two sets of threes
Legendary basketball coach John Wooden was more than a coach. He was a teacher of character. NBA Hall of Famer Bill Walton wrote, "He taught us values and characteristics that could make us not only good players,...
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What I am teaching my children in the age of AI
"Where are you on the spectrum about AI?" a fellow founder dad asked me recently.
"Oh, I wish AI would take away jobs more quickly," I replied...
alfredlua.com/teaching-my-ch…
You have everything you wanted
If you had asked me, when I was younger, what I wanted in life, I would have said, “A wife I love, children, work that is meaningful and helps me grow, time for my family and my...
alfredlua.com/field-notes/yo…
It's only a moment
I was awake almost all night because my daughter was sick and couldn’t sleep well. Then, in the morning, my son woke up grumpy and decided I was his enemy. “I don’t like papa! I don’t want to brush...
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The internet our children will inherit
For 10 years, triathlete Henri Schoeman has received nasty, horrendous comments for winning a race. Words that you never want to receive. Words that I was...
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You cannot rely on schools to teach them this
In 45 BC, Marcus Tullius Cicero, one of Rome's greatest orators, sent his son Marcus Minor to Athens to study under a leading philosopher. Athens...
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AI can never do this
"Would you rather be smart or kind?"
Many years ago, the startup I was at had all the employees do a personality quiz. I thought the answer to this question was obviously “to be kind.” But when we...
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You will wish you started this earlier
We are constantly losing our children. One day they are learning to crawl and babble. The next day they are running around and loudly proclaiming "I love you!"
I...
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Hanging up my bike
Hello fellow dads! Just a week after HFMD, my daughter is sick again. Argh. I instinctively felt annoyed at the disruption and wanted to complain about how unfair it is. I didn't like that gut reaction,...
alfredlua.com/newsletters/ha…
You will miss this morning madness
Every parent knows the morning madness. You are trying to rush out of the house but your children just don’t cooperate. The more you nudge them, the slower they move....
alfredlua.com/field-notes/yo…
Learning never stops
My dad had an employee who refused to learn about new products at the car workshop. "The more I learn, the more you will ask me to do," he argued. My dad didn't keep him for long.
Even at 67, my...
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Miserable events, fond memories
Among outdoor adventurers, there's a framework called The Fun Scale.
- Type 1 fun: Enjoyable while it's happening.
- Type 2 fun: Miserable while it's happening, but fun in...
alfredlua.com/field-notes/mi…
Children need models more than they need critics
“Children need models more than they need critics.”
— Joseph Joubert (French moralist and essayist)
It is easy to fall into the trap of...
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You have to do the work yourself
Calvisius Sabinus was a rich Roman who desired to appear learned without doing the actual mental work. So he devised a shortcut to learning: He bought educated slaves at high...
alfredlua.com/field-notes/yo…
We are constantly losing our children
My wife and I often look at photos of our firstborn when he was the age of his little sister. It hit us that he will never be that age again. And then the second...
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The child in me shaped the parent I am
<figure>
<figcaption>Reading to my son</figcaption>
</figure>
Three years ago, when the nurse pushed my son into my wife's ward for the very first time, she casually told me he...
alfredlua.com/newsletters/my…
A little fellow follows me
When legendary basketball coach John Wooden's son was born, a friend sent him a framed picture with the following poem:
“A Little Fellow Follows Me
A careful man I want to be,
A...
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We choose how we want to remember it
I dropped my work for 10 days because my kids had HFMD. During that period, I struggled with looking after sick kids and with neglecting my work. To keep myself sane...
alfredlua.com/field-notes/we…