Lee

You know, I'm feeling a bit melancholic today, and then I came across a post that made me think about a few things. The post was about people celebrating how they managed to bring prohibited banners into Xiao Zhan's concerts. They openly wrote about how they first tested the waters at the first concert, and when there was no reaction, they decided to do it again at the second one. I'm not going to share the original post here because I don't want to help spread this kind of content, even indirectly. And I'm sure you already know who I'm talking about, since there was only one group bringing those banners. What bothered me even more was how the author interpreted Xiao Zhan's reaction. According to the post, he was deeply moved by their courage and incredibly grateful that they had openly expressed something he supposedly couldn't say himself. And I couldn't help wondering, how did we get to the point where ignoring someone's wishes is considered an act of love, and breaking their rules is something to be proud of? So I wanted to share a few thoughts. I'm not trying to insult anyone or start an argument. These are just things I've been thinking about. 1. When love starts to feel like ownership Fans often say they love an artist for who he really is. But I've noticed something strange. When the real Xiao Zhan doesn't match the version some people have created in their minds, his own words and decisions suddenly seem to matter less. He sets rules? Someone must have forced him. He doesn't confirm their theories? He probably isn't allowed to speak openly. He gets emotional during a concert? He must be thanking them. Whatever he does, they find a way to make it fit what they already believe. Even when something seems to contradict their theories, they come up with another explanation. And I find that deeply troubling. If absolutely everything can be used as proof that you're right, then what would it actually take for you to admit that you might be wrong? 2. When breaking the rules becomes a sign of devotion This is probably what bothers me the most. Xiao Zhan and his team set rules for his concerts, including restrictions on what people can bring into the venue and how the audience should behave. These rules are there for a reason, and everyone is expected to follow them. But somehow, deliberately breaking those rules is being celebrated as an act of courage and devotion. Doesn't that seem completely backwards? The less you respect someone's wishes, the more you supposedly prove how much you love them. Meanwhile, fans who actually respect the rules are simply doing what they're supposed to do. Nobody makes a big deal out of that. But those who ignore the rules are praised for being brave. I really don't understand this way of thinking. If you genuinely care about someone, shouldn't respecting their wishes be more important than proving how devoted you are? And if breaking a rule becomes something to celebrate, what happens the next time Xiao Zhan or his team asks fans not to do something? 3. When someone else's emotions are used to support your own beliefs This is another thing that bothered me about that post. Xiao Zhan was emotional during his concert. And honestly, why wouldn't he be? Think about how much work went into preparing this tour, how much it must mean to him, and what it feels like to stand in front of thousands of people who came to see you. There could be so many reasons for his emotions. Some of them might be personal, and we may never know what they are. But instead of simply accepting that, people decide what his feelings must mean. If he cries, his tears must be proof of something. If he thanks the audience, he must be thanking a particular group. Even when he says nothing, his silence is treated as some kind of hidden message. Why does everything have to be about their theories? Can't Xiao Zhan just have an emotional moment without someone deciding what he's feeling and why? What makes me sad is that something genuinely meaningful to him gets turned into another argument in support of a story that other people have created. 4. Loving someone doesn't give you the right to make decisions for them You can say as many times as you want that you love someone, that you want to protect them, or that you understand them better than anyone else. But if you don't respect their wishes, decisions, or boundaries, I think there's a fair question to ask: who exactly do you love? The real Xiao Zhan, or the person you've imagined him to be? Xiao Zhan doesn't have to live up to anyone's fantasies. He doesn't owe anyone details about his private life, confirmation of their theories, or gratitude for things he never asked them to do. You have every right to your own feelings. But that doesn't give you any right to decide what another person should feel, say, or do. And to me, respecting that is a basic part of caring about someone. 5. A community is also responsible for what it chooses to support Of course, not everyone personally broke the concert rules. I understand that, and I'm not saying everyone did exactly the same thing. But there's a difference between not taking part in something and actively defending or celebrating it. You might not have been the person holding a prohibited banner. But if you praise those who did, justify their actions, or spread stories about how grateful Xiao Zhan supposedly was, you're still helping to encourage that behavior. I think a community should be judged not only by what its most active members do, but also by how the rest of the community responds. What do people choose to defend? What do they criticize? What are they willing to excuse? Because when breaking someone's rules becomes something people are proud of, I don't think it's fair to keep dismissing the problem as just a few individuals behaving badly. 6. When the real Xiao Zhan gets in the way of the Xiao Zhan they've imagined Normally, when we learn something new about a person, it helps us understand them better. Sometimes we realize that we were wrong about something, and that's fine. None of us can know everything about another person. But what happens when people refuse to accept anything that doesn't match what they already believe? When something Xiao Zhan says or does doesn't fit their theories, they don't question those theories. Instead, they find a way to explain his words or actions so that their theories still seem right. And eventually, it feels like the real Xiao Zhan, with his own opinions, decisions, and wishes, is getting in the way of the version they've created in their minds. His words are given different meanings. His actions are explained as secret messages. His emotions become proof of things he's never actually said. At that point, I have to wonder whether they're still trying to understand Xiao Zhan as a person, or whether they're more interested in keeping their imagined version of him alive. And I think this is where loving an imagined version of someone starts to conflict with respecting the real person. What worries me most isn't simply that some people don't listen to Xiao Zhan. It's that they're convinced they understand him better than anyone else, even when his own words and actions suggest something completely different. And how can you have a reasonable discussion with someone who believes they know another person's true feelings and wishes better than that person himself? If even Xiao Zhan's own words aren't enough to make them question their beliefs, what possibly could? Because in the end, I don't think the most important question is whether these people love Xiao Zhan. It's whether there's still any room for the real Xiao Zhan in that love. #XiaoZhan #肖战