whalefact

whales are pretty fuckin big

everything i’ve written about the cornell rapists seems inadequate, so let me just say this as a man instead of a whale: no, i don’t think we should “ruin” these rapists’ lives “just because they raped someone”. i think we should end them.

ed sheeran can’t go on tour at all if he gets eaten by a whale. and don’t even worry about the whale’s diet, as they’re used to eating invertebrates

many people think whales would be bad at football given they have no concept of the sport nor the ability to move freely on land, but so far this season, whales have scored the exact same amount of goals as the entire tottenham hotspurs starting eleven

the whales do not give a fuck what you looked like in the 80’s and would rather you not destroy our planet so we have a chance to see what we might look like in the 30’s

dolly parton, the whales sing for you tonight, rest in peace and know your light reached even the darkest expanses of this world

whales never use generative AI, but they do make poop from a butt, which is similar except that whale poop is essential to the health of our oceans and generative AI is essential to being a fucking loser

Whimothy

a whale would never give you explosive diarrhea doodoo disease, probably because there is no scenario in which a whale would gut the CDC and other programs directly responsible for mitigating the risk of explosive diarrhea doodoo disease

the biggest difference between whales and lindsey graham is that the whales have never actively worked against the betterment of their own constituents and also many whales are currently alive

the whales are not responsible for anything that may or may not have happened to mitch mcconnell, other than that which whales do for all humanity

independence?? more like in-da-ocean! haha because that’s where whales are

due to rising production costs and inflation, following playstation’s example, whales will no longer appear in physical form. while these new digital whales offer none of the advantages of an actual physical breathing whale, we have found that we don’t care, because profit is up

“i asked chatgpt” well i asked a whale and she said “OOooOooOOOOoo oOooo” and then sank a yacht

more whales less data centers

regardless of gender, if you need one today, any whale is large enough to be your big whale daddy. happy father’s day to all dads, whales, and whale daddies

my whales are enormous my global is warming every day it gets harder to survive knicks in five

apologies in advance if the whales do not show up to your social events this month, they’re just very busy being extra gay rn

my flippers are splashing my ocean is salty my whales i adore knicks in 4

this pride month, the only thing gayer than the whales is you

imagine a whale picture it in your mind the curves, the ridges, the barnacles now picture it in the ocean oh yeah that’s a whale alright